"Save the Date" cards?

I am always so behind the times with wedding ettiquette (probably because I got married a gazillion years ago). In the last year we have received three "Save the Date" cards from couples who are getting married down the road (the last one we received was for a wedding in April 2015). I have to admit I'm a bit perplexed. With all the social media out there, it seems highly likely that friends and family already know when these weddings are going to occur. I guess I've come to the conclusion that they're a modern form of an engagement announcement? Do I sound like I'm from the Stone Age, lol?

I totally do not like save the date cards - what a waste. I think people you're going to invite to your wedding will know when the date is. Put the money towards the wedding.

It seems like something a lot of people are doing now. I guess there is a lot of competition for wedding dates. lol We have been married for 26 years and that wasn't something that was done back then either, but we did have to book our reception hall two years in advance in order to get a Saturday night. Weddings were a major planning event back then, but I think it has gotten even more over the top now....at least that is the impression I get from watching those wedding shows on TV.

Our family and extended family hasn't had a wedding in years....we are in our "in-between time" right now. In the next 10 years we will probably be in full cycle and having wedding after wedding.

For a local wedding? Yeah, seems like a waste...

We did one for our wedding back some 14 years ago now, but it was a destination wedding and we wanted to give people an opportunity to make a vacation out f it. We started with Save the Dates, and updated people regularly with message as time passed with flight suggestions, hotel recommendations, etc.

For a local wedding I would think it was a little presumptuous. In this age of myFace etc, it doesn't surprise me though...

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Originally Posted by DizneyRox

For a local wedding? Yeah, seems like a waste...

We did one for our wedding back some 14 years ago now, but it was a destination wedding and we wanted to give people an opportunity to make a vacation out f it. We started with Save the Dates, and updated people regularly with message as time passed with flight suggestions, hotel recommendations, etc.

For a local wedding I would think it was a little presumptuous. In this age of myFace etc, it doesn't surprise me though...

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The weddings haven't been local for us--one was in Tennessee, another in Florida and the latest in New York State (we live in Houston). Unfortunately, this still doesn't mean we can make the event. We have so many other travel plans that we can't spare the money or time off of work.

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Originally Posted by MNNHFLTX

The weddings haven't been local for us--one was in Tennessee, another in Florida and the latest in New York State (we live in Houston). Unfortunately, this still doesn't mean we can make the event. We have so many other travel plans that we can't spare the money or time off of work.

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That's the reason for the save the date. To give you a much earlier heads up than the formal invitation so you can 'save the date'.

The formal invitations are only supposed to go out like two months before the date, definitely not enough time to arrange airfare, accommodations, etc. So, totally warranted in those cases you mention.

The problem is its so far away, it's tough to be sure it's actually going to happen. Anything can happen in a year, and I'd hate to be stuck with plane tickets and nothing to do.

I've had several family members send us these over the past couple years. One actually broke up with their fiancé and cancelled their wedding, after the save the date notice and buying a house with their fiancé. So yes...things can definitely change in a year!

I like Save the Date cards. You're right, Beth, that with social media, people aren't likely to forget. But I'm not necessarily following people who have events, and I do like to plan ahead. It helps me to have the reminder right in front of me. Also, between my travel schedule and my husband's, it's good to be able to note a date well in advance, before the invitations come out, especially when I really want to be there. I think it's a sign of the busy times we live in. I would love to say that I'm not that busy that I need so much advance notice, but the fact is that I am.

I feel a couple ways about Save The Dates. If I were getting married, I would probably send them as opposed to an engagement announcement, which I would do in the form of personal phone calls to close family & friends and then likely just change my Facebook status. I appreciate a Save The Date for planning reasons as well. I am at the age where just about all my close friends are getting married and in the past 4 years I've attended anywhere from one to five weddings a summer (luckily this summer I had a break!). But, I don't feel pressure to attend just because I get one. If I can afford it and if my friend or relative feels they want me to be there for a very special day, I will make every effort to go.

Here's what I think the problem is - Fierce competition for wedding dates, as well as the inflated cost of some weddings (not all of them are as crazy and over the top as TLC or WE would have you believe, but even small weddings are NOT cheap). Guest lists are either so huge to include everyone you've ever met, or so exclusive that when Save The Dates go out in our lovely age of social media and instant communication people get mad they weren't on the "A" list if they don't receive a Save The Date but another friend or relative did. Which, as a people pleaser, I am going to completely DREAD if I am ever in this situation.

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Originally Posted by MNNHFLTX

The weddings haven't been local for us--one was in Tennessee, another in Florida and the latest in New York State (we live in Houston). Unfortunately, this still doesn't mean we can make the event. We have so many other travel plans that we can't spare the money or time off of work.

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Originally Posted by DizneyRox

That's the reason for the save the date. To give you a much earlier heads up than the formal invitation so you can 'save the date'.

The formal invitations are only supposed to go out like two months before the date, definitely not enough time to arrange airfare, accommodations, etc. So, totally warranted in those cases you mention.

The problem is its so far away, it's tough to be sure it's actually going to happen. Anything can happen in a year, and I'd hate to be stuck with plane tickets and nothing to do.

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I agree with Rox. When the wedding is not local for a portion of the guests, I think it is good that Save The Date cards are sent. When Mom would get the a save the date for the children of one of my Dad's close friends, she would call us, let us know the date and we would check schedules and discuss which one of us would be her "date". Then closer to the wedding date we would work on transportation needs.

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Originally Posted by SurferStitch

I've had several family members send us these over the past couple years. One actually broke up with their fiancé and cancelled their wedding, after the save the date notice and buying a house with their fiancé. So yes...things can definitely change in a year!

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This is why we wait to make flight reservations as well. We have had weddings get cancelled or Mom's health may not be good as the date becomes closer. We will usually reserve a hotel room, but those are much easier to cancel.

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Originally Posted by MNNHFLTX

Unfortunately, this still doesn't mean we can make the event. We have so many other travel plans that we can't spare the money or time off of work.

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Originally Posted by DizneyRox

That's the reason for the save the date. To give you a much earlier heads up than the formal invitation so you can 'save the date'.

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:ditto:
This is why they get sent. Being 28 I only have one decade of being an "adult" under my belt, but it seems to me that people are busier than ever. I can understand why people may not "get" the point of them, but I like them since they help me plan ahead.
We did Save the Dates for our wedding and sent them out in our Christmas cards that year, 6 months in advance of the wedding.

We didn't do "Save the Date" cards when I got engaged and married, or did we do huge Engagement photo shoots...Things have sure changed in 20 years!!!

I do like the Save the Date cards, especially for the summer month weddings, you know full in advance how to plan for vacations.

Then there is always the "B" list invites in the last weeks...let's not even go there...LOL!
Julie:mickey:

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Originally Posted by princessgirls

We didn't do "Save the Date" cards when I got engaged and married, or did we do huge Engagement photo shoots...Things have sure changed in 20 years!!!

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I think maybe that's what the issue is. Things sure have changed! Weddings have become big business, not just for the venues but for the couple.

When I got married 24 years ago, the main thing on our minds was for the event to be about celebrating with people we loved. When my sister got married last month, they had to worry about meeting the event quota for guests-- they had to pay for 125 guests whether they had that many or not. Plus, they were definitely calculating how much it was costing them vs how much they would earn in gifts. Understandable maybe, considering how much wedding costs these days. But if I were to do it all now, I would probably be looking at a backyard wedding or to elope and bring along just the closest of friends/family. Worrying about the cost or making money back just saps the joy and meaning out of the day, for me. Though my sister's wedding was beautiful and she was the happiest bride I've ever seen.

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Originally Posted by SBETigg

But if I were to do it all now, I would probably be looking at a backyard wedding or to elope and bring along just the closest of friends/family. Worrying about the cost or making money back just saps the joy and meaning out of the day, for me.

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Not to derail the thread but there were definitely times during our wedding planning process where I wished we could just elope. It was pretty stressful to plan. And yes, guaranteed minimums are another reason why people send the save-the-dates. I know for my baby shower that's coming up in September, my mom had to pay for 50 people no matter what to guarantee a private room. If you have to pay for x amount of people, you'd like that number to actually be in attendance! I wasn't so much concerned with making our money back in gifts, I just didn't want to pay for an empty seat.

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Originally Posted by SBETigg

I think maybe that's what the issue is. Things sure have changed! Weddings have become big business, not just for the venues but for the couple.

When I got married 24 years ago, the main thing on our minds was for the event to be about celebrating with people we loved. When my sister got married last month, they had to worry about meeting the event quota for guests-- they had to pay for 125 guests whether they had that many or not. Plus, they were definitely calculating how much it was costing them vs how much they would earn in gifts. Understandable maybe, considering how much wedding costs these days. But if I were to do it all now, I would probably be looking at a backyard wedding or to elope and bring along just the closest of friends/family. Worrying about the cost or making money back just saps the joy and meaning out of the day, for me.

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I feel the same way. Growing up, weddings were more informal events that included a Shivaree the night before (anyone else remember that?), mothers and bridesmaids helping the bride do her hair and makeup and get into her dress, and wedding dances with lots of polkas! Lol, maybe I'm waxing nostalgic, but it was a relaxed atmosphere for everyone, including the bride and groom. Even at my own wedding my husband and I changed out of our dressy clothes after our first dance so that we could play volleyball with our guests (we had an outdoor reception at my brother's house). We had a lot of fun!

I actually think the Save the Date cards are cute (at least the ones I've received). But I have to admit that today's weddings seem like so much work and too much money. Plus, it seems to me that the most important part of marriage is what comes after the wedding day. :)

When we were still planning the big wedding in October 2015 I was planning on sending out save the dates. Actually, about this time. Mostly because most of my family lives out of state and I wanted them to have plenty of notice so they could make plans to come down. When we changed our plans to the small 12.13.14 wedding we barely had time to send out invitations, much less save the dates. We decided to just have immediate friends and family there and to just get married under a tree and then go to a restaurant afterward. Much less informal. However I do have some family in Ohio that I wanted there (like my grandma) that can’t make it because of the short notice, which I was aware may happen when we changed plans about 2-3 months ago. It’s just not enough notice for people out of state to make plans to come. Hence: the purpose of the save the date.

Off topic: I’ve always been one of those people that dreamed of the big “party of the year” wedding, until I started planning one. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy! If it was up to me we would’ve just went to Vegas and made a vacation out of it, but he wanted to include his immediate family. It’s amazing what really matters when it comes down to it. I realized that the only thing important to me is marrying him, so why was I spending $10k to do it?

Funny that this thread got bumped up just when it did, because we received a save the date for a first holy communion earlier this week!!! A COMMUNION! That is a bit much for me!