What would you do?

[alphamommy]

There is a third grader down the street who lives with her dad and his girlfriend. They moved in a little over a year ago, and last year, whenever the adults weren't going to be home in time for the child to get off the bus, they would ask if she could come here which was fine. This year, the child has seemed very distant at the bus stop, rarely talking to the other kids, etc.

Yesterday, the kids got off the bus, and the other mom who waits at the stop told me that there were no cars at this child's house. I called the house when I got home, and no one answered, so I walked down to the house. I knocked several times, and while the large dog was obviously home, no one answered the door.

Several hours later, the dad called, saying he saw my number on their caller ID. I explained that I was worried that his daughter was home alone. He said that she was only alone for "10 or 15 minutes" until his girlfriend got home. I told him that she is welcome to come to our house after school, and he thanked me and said that it isn't a problem.

When I talked to the other mom this morning, she said that she watched the house, and there were no cars in the driveway until just before the dad called me.

I'm worried about this child, and wondering how many other days this year she has been alone. I don't want to call CPS or the police, but I'm worried about this child, and wondering how many other days this year she has been alone. I don't have any proof that she was alone, and I know that the past couple years haven't been very stable for her (she was removed from her mom's home and turned over to her dad a little over a year ago).

The other mom and I have decided to keep an eye on things, but I thought I'd solicit some opinions. What would you do?

[dnickels]

I'd keep a record or log of things, -you mentioned the other day when no one was home, keep track of when you went over there, when you called, when the dad finally called back, what your friend said regarding the length of time before a car was back in the driveway.

If you document it a second time I might still be on the fence, a third time I definitely would call CPS and provide them with the information. If you see any signs of abuse I'd call right away.

[diz_girl]

The child becoming distant this year is what is most concerning. This could be from bullying by other kids, or the more serious issue of some form of abuse. Children becoming withdrawn is a tell-tale sign of sexual abuse. I'm not saying that this is the case here, but it is possible that she is being neglected or abused, especially since she was allowed to stay with you after school this year, but isn't allowed to do it this year, even though there is no adult at home to care for her when she comes home. Something sounds fishy here, so maybe you should keep as close an eye on it as you can and report any suspicious behavior to authorities if you detect abuse or neglect.

[jodijo]

As a third grade teacher, I would like to say this is rare, but it is not. I have a few too many that go home alone everyday to an empty house. They are on their own for many hours a day. Although it makes me sad, there is nothing I can do about it. Parents have to work and daycare is expensive. I would keep an eye on her to make sure she is safe. But I am not sure there is much more you can do than that.

As far as being withdrawn, I would watch her and her family for signs that something more is going on. If you suspect anything, I would report it.

[wdwfansince75]

Your concerns should also be passed on to the school. Your observations may complement theirs, and may give them (and CPS) more complete evidence of a problem that should be addressed by the proper authorities.

[DVC2004]

Your concerns should also be passed on to the school. Your observations may complement theirs, and may give them (and CPS) more complete evidence of a problem that should be addressed by the proper authorities.

I agree with this. In the very least, maybe a counselor could have some contact with the child and parent.

[LVT]

You may be right. However the lack of a car in the drive is not equal to adult not home. My house has 2 cars, 4 drivers. There are buses, cabs, car pools and a sidewalk. Also our cars seem to spend a lot of time at garages.
I would not answer the phone if it were not my number.
You can collect data and watch for strangers or intruders. There are various laws and statistics
on the age of a child and length of time alone.
I don't think it is zero minutes.

[MickeyMousse]

First, I giv eyou kudos for being such an attentive and nice neighbor. I lack that here in my neighborhood!

Second, if you felt uneasy about the situation I would bring it to the attention of the school. If they are like my district-and do nothing-then a call to CPS would be in order. Approach with documentation to speed the process up.

[starryeyes21]

I would like to say that calling CPS is a very serious step and not to be taken lightly. In order to call CPS and for them to start an investigation you must have proof that abuse or neglect is happening. From what I'm reading you are upset because, you are assuming, the child is home alone and seems withdrawn. You have no proof that anything is going on.

Yes, a child becoming withdrawn can be a sign that something is going on. But you have no idea what that something is. The suggestion that it's sexual abuse without having any proof is irresponsible and ludicrous. Perhaps it's the change in schools, maybe it's the fact that he has been removed from his mother, maybe it's that fact that his father has a new girlfriend. He is a child of what sounds like a difficult divorce. There could be all kinds of issues you have no idea about. Perhaps that should be taken into account when worrying about how withdrawn he is. He could be under that care of a professional for his feelings and you would have no idea. Remember, if you are seeing a significant change in behavior so is his school. There is no need to run to his elementary school and share your unfounded suspicions, causing more disruptions to his life. What would you tell them anyway. You have no proof that anything sinister is going on.

Latchkey children are not new. Neither is the controversy that leaving children home alone brings. In this current economy many home are two income. People need to work longer hours to support themselves. They are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Many states have no laws on the books stating the appropriate age for a child to be home alone. No car in the driveway does not mean that the home is empty. You are making an assumption and so is your neighbor. Are you egging each other on? Would your suspicions be as strong if she hadn't said something? Also, would your level of concern be the same if these people weren't new in the neighborhood?

You need more proof to call CPS. This child sounds like he has been having a very tough year. You could cause more disruptions to this child's life. Calling CPS would be like killing a fly with a hammer. If you see definite signs of abuse then by all means call. But until then I would wait and not make any assumptions.

[alphamommy]

Thanks for all the responses!

I ended up calling the school, and speaking to the principal. She thanked me for calling, and said she'd speak to the girl's teacher to see what her behavior has been like in school. She also asked that I keep an eye on the child and the situation.

I'm hesitant to call CPS for all the reasons that starryeyes21 mentioned. That's a huge step that I'm not prepared to make on my limited knowledge.

[MNNHFLTX]

Latchkey children are not new. Neither is the controversy that leaving children home alone brings. In this current economy many home are two income. People need to work longer hours to support themselves. They are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Many states have no laws on the books stating the appropriate age for a child to be home alone.

These were my first thoughts too. Even if you or I wouldn't do it at that age yet, many parents have to decide when/if their child is old to responsibly stay home alone, with the proper safety training. The fact that the girl did not answer the phone or the door may point to the fact that she's been instructed not to do so unless it is a parent or family member calling. Also, since they did ask you last year if she could hang out at your house until they arrived home, that leads me to think that they decided that this year she was old enough. Ideal? Definitely not, but as mentioned previously, laws are very vague as to a legal definition of when a child is old enough to stay alone.

I would suggest that you continue to keep an eye out for this child. Talk to her at the bus-stop and keep the lines of communication open. Are your own kids friends with her? Maybe they could invite her over to your house after school (with her dad's consent, of course). And let her dad know that if an emergency comes up when the girl is home alone that you can be a contact for her for whatever she needs.

[DVC2004]

Thanks for all the responses!

I ended up calling the school, and speaking to the principal. She thanked me for calling, and said she'd speak to the girl's teacher to see what her behavior has been like in school. She also asked that I keep an eye on the child and the situation.

I'm hesitant to call CPS for all the reasons that starryeyes21 mentioned. That's a huge step that I'm not prepared to make on my limited knowledge.

I am glad you called the school. I, too, agree that calling CPS is a really serious step. Hopefully if anything is going on the school can step in and assist, or determine proper action from there.

[gerald72]

Or it could be that the facts he is stating are correct:

She was home only 10-15 minutes alone til his girlfriend got home. Maybe someone dropped her off, and that's why there is no car. It could be in getting worked on.
He called you back because he was concerned, and apparently right after he got home.