rug pulled out from under me

[crazypoohbear]

Payroll princess is VERY kind to front the money to our sister to get a lawyer (a friend, a woman, and someone who grew up with the DH!) Stephen will have to pay back Payroll princess.

This "Man" is a cold calculating heartless bum. He purposely chose to ruin person in his family.

He picked the time our mom died to say that was when the marriage was "broken"

He chose to ruin Williams Make aWish trip by tainting it forever by having the divorce papers served as soon as they got back.

HE wants to tell the kids on Justin's birthday!!!

then he tells our sister that WE can support her and she can live with US!?
Ummm, as Payroll princess said, "I didn't bring those children into the world, they are not my responsibility to support, that's HIS JOB"

The hatred he shows for the 4 year old is palpable. He screams at him, hits him, swears at him. Tells him things no one has a right to say to another person, let alone a small child.
He has no patience or parenting skills.

HE even told my sister that maybe they can split the kids up some weekends and each parent can take ONE child. NO WAY, that will only further prove to the 4 year old that Daddy doesn't love him. What a jerk.

He has apparently started to "prime" the 8 year old by telling him that they will get to see his other family more now and that he can call his other grandmother "grammie" William said "grammie is in heaven" his father told him he can call "Gramma Jean" Grammie now. Over my dead body! Grammie was OUR mother's name, his mother was "gramma Jean"
He will NOT take our mother's name and further confuse my nephews.

Simple rules.
DON'T hit kids.
DON'T separate kids in a divorce.
DON'T try to make you kid call someone else a beloved deceased family members name.
DON'T steal money out of your child's mouth
DONT assume that someone else is responsible for supporting YOUR family.

[VWL Mom]

Google MA divorce laws. If what CPB says about his behavior towards the 4 year old in true, that is abuse plain and simple. Under those circumstances he will not be awarded any unsupervised custody.

I'm glad Stitch has 2 great sisters to lean on because it sounds like she is going to need it.

[SBETigg]

Document everything! Times, dates, direct quotes, having it all on paper helps. Very best wishes to you and your children. I know you will get through this.

[marlyn]

Coreen, I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this!

I went through something similar 9 years ago when my husband and I spilt up. He was a military pilot and away a lot. On one trip when he was gone for a month, he returned only for me to find out he had met a woman while away and she was pregnant. I found this out 4 days before Christmas. To top it all off I had moved to the other side of the country with him and was now stranded there....I thought my world had ended.

But I had two kids, so I brushed myself off, moved myself back to the other side of the country and have never looked back.

I know it seems like you will never get through this....but you will, and it sounds to me like you have the right attitude.

The kids are your priority (and don't forget yourself also!!!). The only advice I have regarding custody etc...Keep things as stable as possible for the children. They need one consistent home, then go visit the other (which unfortunatelt usually means weekends with Dad). Situations where they spend one week with Mom and one week with Dad rarely work well for the children. They need consistency.

Hang in there and hugs for you and your kids!!

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Google MA divorce laws. If what CPB says about his behavior towards the 4 year old in true, that is abuse plain and simple. Under those circumstances he will not be awarded any unsupervised custody.

I'm glad Stitch has 2 great sisters to lean on because it sounds like she is going to need it.

Unfortunately because he hasn't done anything recently (past month), he could say we were just making this up as retaliation for him filing for divorce. But watch out the first time either kid comes home saying that daddy hit them!

And Coreen has a lawyer now. I'll max out the credit card so I just hope nothing goes wrong with my house or I'm up a creek!!!

I've already had water damage and haven't fixed the ceiling yet so that's on hold too. But we'll get through this and come out better and stronger!

[Cinderelley]

I would really check into the past month thing. I know that I live in a different state, but just went through a very bad divorce. At the trial for the restraining order, it was anything that had happened in the past year.

You are in a horrible place emotionally right now. I promise it gets better. It will get worse before it gets better, but you will not believe how much better it is on the other side. A year after your divorce is finalized, you will look back and be amazed at how far you have come.

1. Don't believe anything he says. He is manipulating things in order to get what he wants.
2. Doing a lot of your own leg work will save you alot of money in lawyer costs if you can handle it emotionally. Or even have those close to you do it for you. Get a court order for access to ALL of his financial records. Look for areas that he may have been transferring money that you didn't know about. File for a restraining order if he has been abusive to your 4 year old - physically or emotionally.
3. It isn't you. There isn't anything you could have done better. It doesn't have anything to do with the way you look. It is him and don't let him tell you otherwise.

[merlinmagic4]

Coreen, I'm so sorry this happened to you, especially after something as special as a Make a Wish trip.

[laprana]

Document everything! Times, dates, direct quotes, having it all on paper helps. Very best wishes to you and your children. I know you will get through this.

This is excellent advice! It doesn't matter if it's something that happened yesterday or last year. If you can remember details of any incidents of him physically, verbally, mentally, or emotionally abusing your kids, write them down! Just stick to the facts that you know and remember and make a kind of timeline of anything that has happened. It might not seem important, but it will show whether or not there is a pattern of abuse and that definitely will be taken into consideration for any custody arrangements.

[Stitchahula]

thank you everyone. I still feel like he's up to something, like he's trying to get me declared unfit. I talked to my kids Pediatrian today at my youngests appt and she said they normally ask the doctor in charge of the kids. she told me she was on my side and she knows I would never harm my children in anyway shape or form. That means a lot to me knowing the medical personnel are behind me. My sister Payroll Princess has loaned me the money for a lawyer which I can't thank her enough. I still can't believe this is all happening to me. Seriously how can a man give up his family, his wife just to please his mommy? I don't get it. I guess I'm better off because I won't have to deal with that nut job family anymore I just worry about my kids being around them with no body there to protect them. That is the part that truly makes me crazy not knowing they are safe when around them.

[faline]

At this time, family is very important and you clearly have a wonderful family to help you! Right now, you just need to go through each day, see what it brings, and meet the challenge. I'm rooting for you!

[Dsnygirl]

Coreen, I've been reading this thread ever since you first posted, and it broke my heart... esp. coming on the heels of your MaW trip. But - I didn't want to just jump in, b/c I don't have any advice to offer in this arena.

I still don't, and I think you've gotten some TREMENDOUS advice here and from your family -- I'm so glad you have the support of your sisters behind you, they sound terrific!!

But I couldn't keep quiet anymore -- I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and your boys, and sending prayers and pixie dust your way by the boatloads. I hope you are able to put all this behind you and move on with your life... you are definitely better off w/o this "man" in your life, and one day you will wake up and realize that you are so much happier. I'm sure it seems that that day is a long way off -- but don't give up, keep your chin up and remember -- karma is on your side!!

We're all pulling for you!!

[Imalismom]

I would offer up one piece of advice not asked for

I would CEARLY watch what you put out on ANY place on the internet, text messages, etc. Any lawyer worth their weight in gold, if they are looking for a "fight", will dig up ANYTHING that you have written, and spin the words to fit their situation.

I'm not saying that is a bad thing. But saying things like "nut job family", could be spun so many ways, and maybe not in the way you were intending.

Even if something is deleted, it still can be recovered and put before any judge.

So, my piece of advice not asked for is not to say ANYTHING negative in public, until it is all said and done. Think it, but don't publish it.

[brivers222]

I would offer up one piece of advice not asked for

I would CEARLY watch what you put out on ANY place on the internet, text messages, etc. Any lawyer worth their weight in gold, if they are looking for a "fight", will dig up ANYTHING that you have written, and spin the words to fit their situation.

I'm not saying that is a bad thing. But saying things like "nut job family", could be spun so many ways, and maybe not in the way you were intending.

Even if something is deleted, it still can be recovered and put before any judge.

So, my piece of advice not asked for is not to say ANYTHING negative in public, until it is all said and done. Think it, but don't publish it.

[Stitchahula]

thanks for the warning but calling his family nut jobs isn't going to effect the divorce at all, it just me stating MHO. If you knew them you would probably agree. Everyone agrees he's up to something. On the one hand he's hugging and kissing me telling me he loves me on the other hand he's saying the divorce is going through. He even had the nerve to get mad at me for telling the boys about the divorce because he wanted to be there when I did. He even left work early and came rushing home, he doesn't come to the hospital when our oldest is having a life saving treatment yet he rushes home because I'm telling them their dad is moving out. Nice priorities. It wasn't like I was poisoning their minds against him I had promised him I wouldn't do that ( I can't stand when people use children as weapons) He evidently expects me to be as sneaky and cold hearted as he has been. I on the other hand have to look myself in the mirror and I don't ever want to be ashamed of the person I see. Thank you for all the support it means more than I can say. You are all giving me strength that I don't feel like I have on my own right now.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

I would offer up one piece of advice not asked for

I would CEARLY watch what you put out on ANY place on the internet, text messages, etc. Any lawyer worth their weight in gold, if they are looking for a "fight", will dig up ANYTHING that you have written, and spin the words to fit their situation.

I'm not saying that is a bad thing. But saying things like "nut job family", could be spun so many ways, and maybe not in the way you were intending.

Even if something is deleted, it still can be recovered and put before any judge.

So, my piece of advice not asked for is not to say ANYTHING negative in public, until it is all said and done. Think it, but don't publish it.

I've been telling her the same thing. We can say what we want to each other, but let's not put it in writing!

[Cinderelley]

I know you are worried about the kids, as you should be since you are a parent. It will be hard for them at first, but it gets easier. And if you keep being the person you should be, they will see that as they get older too - no matter what his family is like. It seems like such craziness in the middle of it, and you worry about what they will learn from the role models they see.
When my children were young and I went through it, I was assured that the children would see the truth as they got older. And sure enough, my friend was right. It took time and patience - a lot of frustration and crying, but they have all grown up to be people I am proud of. They know how they want to act, and how they don't want to act. I was by no means perfect, but I did try to keep their best interests first and always loved them. Now they tell me that has meant a lot to them. Keep your chin up and just put one foot in front of the other for now. . . Soon you'll be running again.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

So this father of the year moved out last weekend. He asked if he could take the kids on Sunday and my sis said yes. She asked him when he'd have them back. He wand keep them for a whopping TWO whole hours. Wow, could he spare the time?

Then he wanted to take them this weekend but we already have plans. So he asked if he could take them Friday night to Saturday morning. She said yes again. Well, wouldn't you know it? Something came up.

I'm very much afraid my nephews are in for big disappointment from this man.

Oh and when her lawyer called his lawyer and said he had to give her money to live on? He put a whopping $25.00 in her account. Another call from lawyer to lawyer and he put in another whopping $25.00! Seriously? He thinks that's enough for a family of 3 to live on for a week, with groceries, gas for the van, co-pays for the doctor?

Hold on folks, it's gonna be a rocky ride! I'm sure my sis will appreciate any prayers and pixie dust you want to send her way while she goes through this AND has to find another, affordable, place to live.

This whole situation just has me so angry!

[laprana]

Continued on the way and I'm keeping your whole family in my prayers and thoughts. What a terrible situation for you all to have to deal with. I sincerely hope it starts to get better for you all sooner rather than later.

[Tigger's Mom]

Wishing you strength as you deal with all you are!! Thoughts are with you and your boys as you go through this struggle.

[DisneyOtaku]

Add another for someone putting you and your children in their prayers! What this man has done is horrible and you shouldn't have to experience it. Keep strong; we're all cheering you on!