Just Need To Vent

I just need to vent to unbiased, neutral, unrelated folks before I lose my mind.

We started remodeling and adding on to our 'new' house in August. We were supposed to be in the house by Halloween, but had to fire that contractor and start over with new contractor. We'd planned/hoped to be in by Thanksgiving. That didn't happen. Up until today we were sure we'd be in by Christmas.
The addition is framed and will be roofed this week. Then it's electrical, plumbing, inspection, sheetrock, paint, tile and carpet.

All before Christmas?

DS is 6 and DD is 2. I had previously decided not to decorate current house for Christmas since we'd be moving some time in December. Now I don't know what to do. Never mind the fact that our current hosue is half-empty.

I'm so frustrated.I just want to cry. When I talk to DH or my mom about it, they just say, "Think of how beautiful it will be when it's done" or "There's always next Christmas."

But Christmas is my most favorite time of year and I feel like I'm depriving our kids. I don't know what to do with presents. I'd wanted our Christmas cards to be Christmas cards/We've Moved cards.

No one seems to understand how frustrating/depressing/irritating all of this is for me.

Go to Disney for Christmas!

Yes it is depressing and disappointing, but... You have a home. You have a family. You are able to decorate 'a' house and give gifts. Your two children who will grow up and not remember where you lived at Christmas or what they got or what the house looked like. They will remember the love you show and how you handled a dissappoint.

I think your feelings are totally understandable. Living in chaos/limbo is hard any time of the year, but especially so during the holidays. Two years ago Hurricane Ike came through and toppled a huge tree on our house. Fortunately we were insured, but the numerous repairs all came together so that they were being done from the Thanksgiving to New Year's time frame. I remember how frustrating it was trying to have a traditional holiday season with workers coming and going and the house and yard a constant mess. One memory stands out in particular for me, the day the roofers started ripping the old shingles off the house. I looked outside to see all this debris raining down on and blanketing our Christmas lawn display! I had to go out there and dig through the shingles to pull the lights and lawn figures all up again until they were done with the roof a few days later. In hindsight, it was kind of silly of me to put them out to begin with when I knew the roofers were coming, but I was trying to keep things as normal as possible.

Anyway, hang in there and it will get better. Cut yourself some slack as far as expectations during the holidays this year, because there's really nothing you can do to change the situation and it will only cause extra stress. And I guarantee you that your kids will not care that the tree goes up in your current house instead of the new one, but they will care about Mommy being sad or upset about it.

Construction is very difficult on the emotions. Building a new house certainly has a wonderful outcome but the stress of getting there can be pretty intense. Hang in there!

I don't want to minimize your quite justified frustration and disappointment, but I will say this ...

Your kids are 6 and 2. They won't remember one bit about this Christmas, where you had it, or what it looked like when they grow up.

They will remember that you loved them very much, that Santa came, and that you spent the holidays together as a family.

I know that it's no consolation, but perhaps something to keep in mind for future reference ~~

It's been my experience and that of several friends and relatives that if a contractor tells you that a job will take 3 months, figure on a minimum of 5 months. Same goes for cost estimates; always factor in at least a 20% overrun.

And it's also wise to insist on a penalty clause in contracts - - "X" dollars per day that the job runs beyond a mutually-agreed completion date. If the contractor balks, consider looking for a different contractor.

That said, I hope your job somehow gets completed quickly and you're able to enjoy the holidays in your new home.

Go ahead be frustrated, but don't let it ruin your holiday spirit. So maybe you don't go all out this holiday but look forward to the next one when you will make it twice as good. Be grateful to have each other, decorate a little and maybe take Christmas photos somewhere other than home this year, go somewhere public and nice with lots of decorations. As for the we've moved cards maybe they can be Happy New Years wishes or just a nice note card. It will be okay, things happen but the important thing is to remember the reason for the holidays.

first let me start by saying congratulations on your new house! I am sorry for you frustrations and I do agree that being in limbo during the holiday season must be very frustrating, especially with young children. I have always found the best way to deal with frustrating, depressing or even sad or scary situations is with humor. You can play this up as your "limbo" christmas...let the kids get a "charlie brown" tree and leave decorations to "simple, silly" things and just have fun with it. The 6 year old might actually enjoy it more than you would think. One year we moved right at Thanksgiving, and although we were in our new house, nothing was totally unpacked yet so on Thanksgiving I said forget it and picked up Chinesse food that we ate on paper plates...we all joked about our chinesse Thanksgiving, but my daughter actually asked if we could do it again some year :D Enjoy your family, not your decorations....soon you will have a beautiful new home to decorate till your hearts content! Have a Great Holiday

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Originally Posted by Ed

I know that it's no consolation, but perhaps something to keep in mind for future reference ~~

It's been my experience and that of several friends and relatives that if a contractor tells you that a job will take 3 months, figure on a minimum of 5 months. Same goes for cost estimates; always factor in at least a 20% overrun.

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I would agree with this. Earlier this year we had a relatively simple project: Hang a 54 inch plasma over the fire place, install speakers in the wall, and have a built in cabinet made. The project took at least 2 month longer than it should have, and only got finished when we threatened to have someone else finish the job. Unfortunately I hear very few good repair or contracting experiences.

I agree with what other have said. Enjoy the holiday as best you can, and remember this is just one holiday of many more to come.

It will all work out, and you will do a nice Christmas for your kids. As long as your all together, it will all be good!

Julie:mickey:

Thanks for all the encouragement. :) I do appreciate it.

We put up a tree in our current house and hung our stockings. It was a lot of fun but hard for me to not be depressed.

I still don't know what we'll do when it comes to Christmas Eve Supper. Everyone usually gathers at our house and being as we have virtually NO furniture in our current house, that could be interesting. Ham dinner on the bedroom floor anyone? LOL.

As for the house, I don't know if our contractor had pity on me last week or if God is workign a miracle, but suddenly everything is cooking right along.

We expected that the job would take longer than it should but we did not expect having to fire the first contractor (for breach of contract and major mistakes -- like an incorrectly poured foundation) and hire a new contractor (whom we love!). And it seems like every time the crew is ready to make significant progress the weather goes bad (like a blizzard).

Again, thank you for all the encouragement. It did help!

First of all I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.

When you start to feel down just think of all those who have no home, no money, no gifts, and are unsure where they will get the next meal for their children. There are many who are far worse off that you are right now. I'd just try to concentrate on the good you do have right now. I agree that at your kids ages they won't remember what house you were in this Christmas, only that you were together. Knowing my kids, having Christmas dinner on the floor would be a cherished memory. Hahaha. I try to make things as perfect for my family as I can, but honestly, its all the imperfections they seem to remember and are the most fond of. I truely hope you are able to pull off a wonderful holiday for your family, new house or not. Good luck!