A little Pixie Dust please...

[Here we go again...]

I know I have not been around much lately. Things have been really rough.

Many of you knew that my father has been very ill and have traveled the long road with me through all of the ups and downs.

Over the past few months I have been working with a friend on a project and I can only thank God that I have had her to lean on. She is a therapist and I do not know how I would have made it through the last 4 months without her.

Dad lost his battle with cancer on November 29th.
After a few days I wanted to post a thank you to everyone that has been on this journey with me only to log on and find that Hayden was gone. I did not want to take anything away from Hayden, so I waited.

This has been a very, very difficult Christmas for me. Tomorrow will be 1 month since I lost dad but it feels like yesterday.

As I sit here writing this I can't help but think about John (hndrdprcnt) who is going into the hospital today. Please pray that the results from the tests are something that he and his family can get through. Although I must say that John has more Faith than anyone I have met. I am proud to say that I am his friend.

With this new year coming I can only hope and Pray that everyone takes time to stop and think about their loved ones. Tell them you care. Remember your Faith, no matter what your religion. And try to find forgiveness for those grudges held against others. Do not let something small get in the way of a good friendship or have regrets for something you never said when you should have.

Tomorrow I will probably cry... a lot. I miss my dad so much.
Rest in Peace Dad

[pianobabe]

It's okay to cry. You will think about him on the 29th every month for a long time. That's okay. He has been a vital part of your life for so long and now that he is not there, it's like there is a void. As time goes on the void/hole that is so sharp with pain will eventually get smoother and you will be able to think about him with happy memories and the pain won't be as bad. The holiday's, the first birthday's that go by (your's and his) will be tough, because he won't be there like he has been all those times before. But, eventually you will be able to think about all the fun times you had together and laugh. You will remember his voice, his laugh, his "wicked" sense of humor, his smell and then the overwhelming since of loss will be painful. You will cry, but that is okay. People will start talking to you about how they "know what you are going through because they have lost their (enter name here)". You will just want to look at them and scream and say no you don't, but instead you politely say thank you. You will be in the car and a song comes on that for what ever reason trigger's a memory and all you will want to do is turn around, go back home, climb in bed and cry. It's okay to feel that way.
Do take the time to grieve. There is no right way and there is no wrong way. Take time for yourself. Go out to dinner with a friend. Sometimes they are better to talk to than a spouse. Go to a movie. Go see the silliest/lamest movie you think you can stand. It's okay to laugh too. Eventually you will get to the point where it doesn't hurt so much and that will be scary. You will start to wonder "am I forgetting" them. And then you start to worry. What if I can't remember their laugh, their smile? What will I do then? You rely on friends and family. It's okay to cry.

[Mickey'sGirl]

Angel -- I am thinking of you. I know that there is an awful hole left in your heart, but I hope you find comfort in the fact that he is not suffering any longer.

I lost my Mom to an awful sickness on October 29th, after she battled physical onslaughts for 40 years. Unfortunately, I find no comfort in the faith that failed my Mother so profoundly at her end ... but I do have a heightened appreciation for my friendships and family. I agree with you -- Don't sweat the small stuff. Move on and enjoy the time you have with the ones you love.

[pink]

I'm sorry you were hit with so many hard things to deal with at one time. Stay strong and think positively. My hearts goes out to you and your family.

[Magic Smiles]

You will be in the car and a song comes on that for what ever reason trigger's a memory and all you will want to do is turn around, go back home, climb in bed and cry. It's okay to feel that way.

After losing my Mother quite suddenly 9 Nov 08 I do feel a lot of what you are feeling. She broke her ankle 9 Sep ended up in the hospital and passed away 9 Nov. A lot of bad things happened in those 2 months and I have been told that I should sue the hospital, but sueing the hospital will never bring my Mother back.
I find that one of the hardest things for me to do now is grocery shopping. I use to do all of her shopping for her and everytime I look at the items in the aisles I want to break down in tears. I keep telling myself this is silly it is only grocery shopping. The tears do so hit you any time. Sitting here typing this tears are rolling down my checks, not just for my lose but for everyone who has lost someone.

[Mickey'sGirl]

I find that one of the hardest things for me to do now is grocery shopping. I use to do all of her shopping for her and everytime I look at the items in the aisles I want to break down in tears. I keep telling myself this is silly it is only grocery shopping. The tears do so hit you any time. Sitting here typing this tears are rolling down my checks, not just for my lose but for everyone who has lost someone.

This happens to me too. My Mom LOVED cherry cake, and I would buy her one whenever I saw one in the store. I still have one in my freezer that I can't bring myself to discard or eat, and it makes me cry to see them in the market. to you.

[TinkerbellT421]

Angel I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. And I did not know that John is going into the hospital today either. Thats a lot of news all at once. I know how difficult it can be to loose someone like a parent, especially Dads. (I was a Daddy's girl). It does get easier in time. It is okay to cry. I know I cried almost everyday for about a good two years. I couldnot even talk about him or memories without crying my eyes out. But then it eventually gets easier to be able to smile and think of him and just love him and miss him and think about him constantly. I am sending prayers and pixie dust your way to give you the strength to be able to get through this difficult time.

[Beach Club Babe]

Sending Pixie Dust, prayers, and good thoughts to you and John. I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your father. The 29th of the month is hard on me as well, I lost my grnadmother on July 29th. I too find it hard to do grocery shopping, as I always took my grandmother or picked up whatever she needed.

[Hayden's Dad]

I just read your post. First time I have been on in a while. I am so sorry to hear about your father, and thank you for waiting all though I don't think you had to. One thing I have found is that there is ALOT of love on Intercot to go around.

I agree this Christmas was very sad althogh that doesn't quite seem to fit but it's the closest I can think of. Just remember it is ok to cry just make sure that you are crying for yourself not for your father, he would neither want or need that any more than Hayden does. Neither one are hurting, suffering, or struggling any more. But I know that those words do not heal the empty spot in your heart, and to be honest I don't know if I want it to go away anytime soon.

Again Thank You for your love and thoughtfullness my thoughts, prayers, and pixie dust are with you and your family. If you need someone to talk to feel free.

Kyle (Hayden's Dad)

[betteratmk]

in the space of a year I lost my father, father-in law and our baby daughter, the only thing that got me through it was the fact Lexie had her grandfathers with her. i couldn't even sit through church crying if i saw a little girl or any child. It does get easier,but they never leave you. I can feel their presence all around me.

[Missy_Mouses_Dad]

My family will keep you in our prayers.

I, thank God have not experienced losing my parents yet..but my father has altheimers and is in a nursing home. We hunted together for many years, and whenever I am in the woods I think of all the good times we had together.

May God bless you. (is it ok to say that on this site?) I apologize if not.

[Here we go again...]

Angel -- I am thinking of you. I know that there is an awful hole left in your heart, but I hope you find comfort in the fact that he is not suffering any longer.

I lost my Mom to an awful sickness on October 29th, after she battled physical onslaughts for 40 years. Unfortunately, I find no comfort in the faith that failed my Mother so profoundly at her end ... but I do have a heightened appreciation for my friendships and family. I agree with you -- Don't sweat the small stuff. Move on and enjoy the time you have with the ones you love.

I have really missed talking to you.I am so sorry to hear about your mom... I know how much she meant to you.The 29th will be a day we will remember for a long time.

I just read your post. First time I have been on in a while. I am so sorry to hear about your father, and thank you for waiting all though I don't think you had to. One thing I have found is that there is ALOT of love on Intercot to go around.

Again Thank You for your love and thoughtfullness my thoughts, prayers, and pixie dust are with you and your family. If you need someone to talk to feel free.

Kyle (Hayden's Dad)

I waited only because I knew that there were so many people close to you and Hayden. I did not want anything to take away from what you and your family are going through. I know they are both in a better place, but the tears I cry are for me. I lost mom 14 years ago and now dad... I mentioned to Jeanne that I feel like an orphan. I know that is crazy, but I am only 45 and I miss my mom and dad.

My family will keep you in our prayers.

I, thank God have not experienced losing my parents yet..but my father has altheimers and is in a nursing home. We hunted together for many years, and whenever I am in the woods I think of all the good times we had together.

May God bless you. (is it ok to say that on this site?) I apologize if not.

Yes, it is okay to discuss God on this site. you will find many people here with lots of faith. We have seen many, many miracles with our Intercot family over the years... how could you not have faith in God.

Thank you to everyone. It helps when someone that is going through the same thing can relate to what you are going through.
Angel

[RedSoxFan]

Angel --- I'm very sorry to hear about your father. My thoughts and prayers are with.

[offwego]

Angel I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May your friends and family and faith comfort you at this difficult time.

[Disneyatic]

Angel,
I am so sorry for your loss. I followed your previous posts about your father's illness and was praying for you all.
Losing my parents is one of my greatest fears. Last year was our difficult year, I lost my grandmother after a short but painful struggle with cancer and then my great grandmother and great grandfather all within a 6 month span. It felt for a long time that the world just wasn't with me. After struggling with grief and anger for al ong time I realized that I just had to rely on God and His plans and remind myself that they were all better off than me now even though it hurt so much for us left behind.
Birthdays, holidays and other special moments are still hard but try to look at the memories of special things to keep you strong.

Good Bless you and also everyone else that has suffered a loss.

[mrsgaribaldi]

You and your dad are always in my prayers. I love that picture of the 2 of you. Even though he is obviously sick you can see the happiness in his face too.

[Disney Doodle]

Just want to let you know that I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You sound like you have been having a really tough time of it. Its always hard when you lose someone close to Christmas, so many memories are brought up at this time of year and even if life is treating you well you still seem to be even more emotional than usual.

Hoping next year will be a much better one for you.

Angie

[TikiGoddess]

Prayers to all who are feeling the loss of someone in this season.

Kathy

[buzznwoodysmom]

Angel,

As you know I am so sorry for your loss. I thought about you as well as all our Intercot friends who lost someone close to them this year over the holidays. You know that I am just around the corner and a phone call away if ever you need someone to talk to or just to listen. Stay strong.

[conorsmom2000]

Oh Angel, I am so very sorry for your loss. And your words are so very true - life is just too short to sweat the small stuff, or to put off telling someone you care. It's been 6 1/2 years since we lost my Mom and it still feels like yesterday. I still go to pick up the phone to tell her something and certain little things, even the scent of the perfume she used to wear, bring back floods of memories. But, there is more laughter than tears now and it's much easier to talk about her and share such wonderful stories. We will always miss her presence at the Holidays, but instead of suffering, we fill that void with remembering all the wonderful holiday moments of our childhood and it's like she's right there with us.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers, Angel. I truly know the sadness you are feeling and my heart aches for you. Your I'COT family is here for you!! :hug