Help!!

[mjaclyn]

Two weeks ago DH and I brought home our second little bundle of joy - our first DS. DD 2 1/2 wasn't thrilled but she was still her happy, easy going self. That has drastically changed in the past two weeks. She is still a happy girl but is extremely hyper and is obviously acting out. She throws her toys and deliberatly disobeys us when she used to be very cooperative. Whenever I have to feed DS she cries and begs me to hold her and rock her. I've tried including her as the 'big sister', asking her to help me with the baby. I've also sat her down a number of times and told her that even though she has a new baby brother she is still very important to us and we love her very much. I really don't know what else to do at this point. Since DH has been able to take time off to help me I haven't had to keep the two of them by myself yet and I'm VERY nervous about it. Does anyone have any advice?

[Mickey'sGirl]

I just wanted to send you good thoughts. It's hard enough being a new mom (all those crazy first weeks emotions!). Inclusion is the best idea, and keep on hugging her and telling her you love her. It's gotta be tough to all of a sudden have to share your greatest devotees with another little, extremely dependent person. It will all fall into place eventually...for all of you.

What about letting her choose his clothing each day, or his sleeper at night? Maybe having a direct responsibility for him might help?

to get you through it!

[BigRedDad]

This is tough because I only have one. The problem is whether she is acting out because of her new baby brother or if it is just being 2.5yo. My advice would be to continue to let her be a big helper. When the baby is asleep, provide her with 100% of your attention. She used to have you all to herself and now she is trying to cope with only half of your time. I am sure it is just a phase and she will quickly grow out of it. You need to set the rules on what is acceptable behavior.

[Boojum]

I agree with Big Red Dad.

My second DD was born when the first DD was 2.5 years old.

Every day, I would spend some time first DD, letting her be "the baby." I'd hold her like a baby, rock her like a baby, sing to her, etc. etc. She eventually got bored with it and figured out that she could do lots more stuff that was cooler than being treated like a baby.

Good luck! I know every kid is different.

[krose78]

SInce Daddy is home can he watch the baby for a while and you can take her out to do something, like a park or something, just you and her.
My kids have always enjoyed time alone with just Mommy.

[crazypoohbear]

IT is difficult to tell whether it's an age thing or a jealousy thing.
When you feed the baby, try putting on your DD fav. video and the three of you curl up in bed or on the couch and watch the video together while you feed the baby.
Tell her that she is a great big sister and such a good helper and you couldn't do it without all her help etc.
Whenever she does something positive rave about it.
If you only speak to her about her bad behavior she will continue with the bad behavior because it gets your attention.
Tell her the baby looks just like she does,
talk about what she was like when she was that little.
Ask her do you remember when mommy did this with you. Well you use to love when I gave you a bath in the sink, you hated when I did such and such. DO you think your brother will be like you?
because the baby is so small and your daughter understands, make all the talk revolve around her at this stage, the baby won't know he is being "dissed" and your daughter will still feel like the center of your universe and will then start to see the baby as a part of her as well.
This is a difficult time but you are very lucky that your DH is home with you right now. My DH couldn't take any time off, I even had to wait to come home with both kids until he got off work. It was all good, and worked out fine for us.

[meldan98]

Mjaclyn - Congratulation! Back in October, I had my 2nd DD. My oldest was almost 5 when she was born. We have through a lot of the same things you have mentioned. The first few days, were good, and then once my oldest figured out how much time I was going to be spending with the baby, she began acting out. We found that if we really talked up the time that we spent with her when it was just one on one, things got a little better. I also would make sure to not be holding the baby when she came home from school or left for school, so that we could have a couple of minutes just to connect. In the evening, when the baby needed to eat a lot, we would go into our room, cuddle up in bed and have popcorn and movie night and she would get to pick the movie. I also had her help me get the baby dressed in the morning and at night. Once I could get out of the house (I had a c-section), I had my husband stay home with the baby for a couple of hours and took her to her favorite places and even volunteered at her school.

The baby is now almost 7 months old, and we still make an effort to spend some one on one time with our ODD and really talk it up. We still have some minor melt downs, but it has gotten a lot better.

[Tinkerfreak]

Another thing that happens alot of the time is that when people come to visit they tend to go right for the baby or ask about the baby and the older child feels like they are less important. My mom used to call my daughter and say "Grammy wants to come see you I will be there in a few minutes". My mom would make sure to greet my daughter first and talk with her instead of rushing to hold the baby. My daughter felt like the visit was about her and not just her new baby sister. We all made sure that everything wasn't just about the baby all the time.

[Septbride2002]

You've gotten some good advice. We'll be adding to our family soon and I'm nervous about this hapenning as well.

[5togetherWDW]

Since it has been a week since your post, things have likely changed once again . . . . . . that is the way it is with little ones. You think you finally have it figured out, and it changes. Let me just mention one thing that really helped when my boys were little -- rocking chairs. It sounds silly / obvious to type, but let me go on . . .. My sons are about 20 months apart. My older son, always climbed into my lap with his brother. Getting a wide armed rocking chair made it work. I quickly learned to nurse, while cuddling and rocking. We watched sing a long songs together - 3 in a chair. When I was lucky enough to have another pair of arms. Each adult would take a boy and have "races" -- if I wasn't nursing, I'd take my older son. If I was -- the other adult would ask for him so he/she could "win." Then, we would rock as hard as we could. The baby would be lulled -- while my toddler giggled to victory.

[mjaclyn]

Thanks for all the advice! My DD has calmed down a little bit - she's not as hyper as she was last week. I can tell she's still jealous of the baby though because she does things to get my attention. Unfortunately, they're all bad things. This morning she broke one of her princess crowns in half right in front of me, she threw a brand new pair of sunglasses in the garbage, has been throwing toys all over the place and hit the baby in the head with her jumprope. Sometimes I let it go because I know she's only doing it to get my attention, but I will not in ANY way tolerate her hurting the baby. I don't think she understands that hitting him hurts - all she knows is that since the baby arrived she's had much less attention from mommy and daddy. We're really trying VERY hard to pay attention to her and give her praise whenever she does something good. I hate to have all the attention I give her be negative because she's acting up.

Another thing that's made things much more difficult this week is that she came down with a cold. She's had a fever, runny nose, cough, sore throat and sneezing for three days now. I'm doing my best to keep them apart but she's still bouncing off the walls and it's SO hard to keep tabs on both of them every single second. DH is working in the office today and won't be home until late tonight and I already feel totally run down. I had four hours of sleep last night and DD is refusing to take her nap right now. I can hear her in the other room yelling and kicking the walls. The baby is in his swing at the moment but will soon need to be changed and fed again. Please tell me it gets easier!

[jrkcr]

It gets easier!!

I wish you were my neighbor, so I could help out. I miss having "little" girls. My three daughters are now 17,15 and 9. And yes, the first few months are tough! Hang in there!!

You gotten some great advice on here! Find something special for just the two of you, and do it every single day(i do it at the same time every day). It doesn't have to be a big thing- maybe wake her up with a bubble bath with barbies or boats and playing with her while hubby is with the baby. Or making chocolate milk and reading a book every night before bed while your hubby watches the baby.
Good Luck!

[brownie]

I think at that age you need to show her that you love her more than telling her; make sure you are still spending time with her. Give her specific tasks to do to help you (can you get the diapers for me, etc.)

[meldan98]

I would have to agree with the previous poster...it does get easier.

Show your ODD lots of love and attention and it will turn around. It just takes a little time. Hang in there. Lots of & to you!