Hi Rebecca, you stated that your trip is going to be in Nov. If that is for this year you are already within the 180 day Advance Dining Reservation window and a lot of the prime locations just might be unavailable. As soon as you know your dates go online to the Disney website and see just what is open during your stay.
Now, about what dining plan would be good for your family, I think you're right on the money with the Deluxe DDP being way too much food. We have traveled with others on 3 different occasions and used the deluxe plan.............all we did was eat. Thank goodness everyone is now of the same frame of mind and we won't have to use that plan ever again.
Good luck and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything falls into place for your family.