Inviting son's friend?????

[rubato]

I promised my son that he could bring a friend the next time we go to Disneyworld. He is 12, and I would be okay letting them walk around the park we are in without us. But, my question is: How do I approach the child's parents? Do I feel obligated to pay for all of it, or is it okay to ask the parents to pick up airfare and maybe, spending money? I just don't know the etiquette of the situation. I thought it would be okay if we pay for the child's resort and food, and have their parents pay for the rest, but I could be completely wrong. I could probably handle paying for everything except spending money, but then would feel like I had to buy the same for both boys. So, any advice from those in the know??????

[Strmchsr]

In general, on a trip like this, if the child is staying in the same room you can definitely offer to pay for room and food, but I would say the parents would need to pick up the airfare and ticket. I wouldn't see why you would be obligated to that.

[SBETigg]

I think it would be fine to approach them and state what you would be willing to pay for, and ask if they allow their son to go what you would want them to pay for. Then they can consider if they want to allow it and help finance their child's trip as you request, or not.

[faline]

When my daughter was growing up, we allowed her to bring a friend on two different occasions. On both occasions, we paid for the extra child's airfare, park tickets, and dining. Typically, the child would bring her own extra spending money. On one occasion, the parents of the child who was going with us provided us with a gift certificate to pay for a meal out.

Our feeling was that, if the child is a guest, then we should be footing the bill.

However, any other arrangement you make with the parents of the child is fine as long as you all agree to the arrangements.

[MNNHFLTX]

We invited a friend of my son's to Southern California when they were both 14, and we covered all the major expenses (airfare, hotel, food and attractions). We told his mom that all he had to do was bring some spending money for souvenirs and such. However, we knew money was a bit tight in his family and because of that they rarely went on vacation, so we wanted to make sure it was do-able for them.

You have to look at your situation and the friend's situation and do what is comfortable for you. I'm sure they will appreciate the gesture.

[A Big Kid]

I absolutely could not imagine inviting someone to go anywhere with you and not paying their way. IMHO, if you are not prepared to cover an invitee's expenses, you are not prepared to invite them.

[Buttercup]

Well, I don't know if I agree with the "I'm inviting you so I will have to pay for your entire vacation" policy. I certainly don't do that if I invite one of my friends with me on vacation nowadays! Every man for himself! lol If I invite a pal to the movies, I'm not saying that I'm going to be paying for them. If I invite my friends to come out to the bar one night, I'm not buying their drinks all evening. So I don't think an invite on vacation means you're obliging to pay for everything. It's just a "This is what we're doing and I'd love it if you could join us" situation.

With that said, when I was a teenager, I brought a friend with me and since she was staying in the same room as us they covered her resort and food (we stayed at Fort Wilderness Cabins so the food was the groceries we had in the cabin). My friend paid for her own park pass and spending money. We drove to Florida that year so my parents covered the gas money for the trip down and back, but had we flown, she would have had to pay for the flight herself I'm sure.

I remember my parents talking to her parents, saying "We'd love it if Emma could come on vacation with us. This is what we'll be doing, and if she joins us, this is what she would be responsible for paying for, and we'll cover the rest". So it was laid out very clear from the get-go.

I would also suggest talking to them about letting their son wander the parks with your son (unaccompanied) at 12 years old. I personally wouldn't want my 12 year old wandering around a large park that they are unfamiliar with and no adult being there. So run that by them too.

[RedSoxFan]

We invited our niece last year on our trip (she is same age as our daughter) and we paid for everything. She was our guest and I didn't expect her parents to pay as we invited her. If we bought Kourtney something; we bought Kaitlyn something. However, both girls had their own spending money to use as they please.

[DizneyRox]

I absolutely could not imagine inviting someone to go anywhere with you and not paying their way. IMHO, if you are not prepared to cover an invitee's expenses, you are not prepared to invite them.

+1

I know a few poeple who have events, like birthday parties at restaurants, etc, and don't mention that if you come, you are expected to pay. That doesn't sit right with me.

I think if it's a destination wedding or something and you have TONS of people, things are a bit different, but one person. That just goes into my budget.

[BrerGnat]

We used to bring down a family friend (my older sister's best friend) on some of our WDW trips because her parents NEVER left the town they lived in!

I remember my parents and her parents having a "meeting" after we invited her, so they could discuss who would pay for what. They agreed to pay for her park ticket and give her spending money for food, snacks, and souvenirs. My parents made it clear that if we all ate a sit down or counter service meal together, they would pay for her, but if she and my sister went off alone (they were 15) and wanted snacks, or a meal, then they would not pay for that. My sister was given spending money by my parents when she was off on her own. I think they ended up sending her down with, like $500 in cash for a week, and that was plenty.

My parents paid for the room (my two sisters and I, and the friend had one room at POR and my parents were in the adjoining room next door) and we drove down, so they paid for that expense as well.

I think if you are inviting a child to come along, it's reasonable to expect to have to pay for most stuff. I'd maybe see if the parents could pick up the tab on the park ticket, since that is a concrete expense, and perhaps airfare if you are flying, but that's it. Spending money should be at their discretion.

And, to echo above, I think 12 is too young, for the most part, to allow two boys off on their own. If it was just your own children, and you trusted them fully, that's another story. But, you are taking on the responsibility of another family's child, and you should honor what they feel is appropriate. If you know this family REALLY well, and really know this boy, maybe you feel like they are mature enough for this, but you really need to get with his parents on this and make sure they fully agree with you.

Also, you should discuss discipline with his parents as well, in case he ends up misbehaving at some point during the trip. It happens...

[tinxmom]

Too be honest, i was a little syurprised by the amount of people who said it is approriate to treat for the entire thing. We recently invited a friend along and we covered the hotel, food and park passes, but her parents paid her airfare (pricey from the northeast). I thought this was very reasonable both ontheir part and on our part! WDW is an expensive trip (Unlike just bringing a friend along to the beach, for example), and I do not think you need to feel you need to absorb the entire cost.

[gerald72]

"We'd like to invite your kid with us to Disney. Oh yeah, you gotta pay for it."
That's not an invitation. If you aren't prepared to pay for transportation, lodging, meals, and tickets then you aren't prepared to be inviting.
The extra child should only be expected to bring extra spending money.
Maybe the parents would like to take their own trip, and funding yours would take away from that.

[LVT]

I am not Miss Manners.
Be sure to have some notarized statements for emergencies, ID, and temporary custody.
Especially if flying.

[VWL Mom]

Too be honest, i was a little syurprised by the amount of people who said it is approriate to treat for the entire thing. We recently invited a friend along and we covered the hotel, food and park passes, but her parents paid her airfare (pricey from the northeast). I thought this was very reasonable both ontheir part and on our part! WDW is an expensive trip (Unlike just bringing a friend along to the beach, for example), and I do not think you need to feel you need to absorb the entire cost.

I agree. My boys, 16 & 19 bring friends with them at least 1 trip a year. We cover everything except airfare, I even get them gift cards for some souvenirs. One reason for this is teens are moody and there is no way I will be stuck with an airline ticket if they change their minds.

[kakn7294]

We took our daughter's friend this past summer. We paid for room and part of her food / souvenir expenses. Her parents paid for park tickets, air fare, and part of her food / souvenir expenses. We talked about the trip before-hand and all agreed on this. We're planning to ask her to go again in August and this time to pay for airfare, souvenir expenses, and probably her park ticket - which may end up being an annual pass, depending on whether they see the wisdom in that since we're going again in spring 2013 with the high school marching band.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

I think it depends on how you ask them. We have taken my youngest on two vacations with a friend and footed the bill. Other times we have let it be known to our kids and or their friends when we are going to WDW. That we will pick up the motel expense if they want to go but everything else is their responsibility.

[NJGIRL]

My son is an only child so for our last five trips we have brought a different cousin along each time. My son enjoys the trip much more by doing this. We pay for the room, meals/snacks, tickets and spending money (I buy them whatever they want each day). The only thing I have my sisters pay for is their airfare.

[MOJoe]

O.K. You have made a promise to your son that he can bring along a friend on your trip. That sounds like an unqualified promise with no strings attached. So if you ask the parents of his friend to help pay for this or that, and they decline, then you can't keep your promise to your son.

You may want to ask the parents if they can help out. But if they say no, then you should go ahead and offer to pay for everything except spending money.

[MississippiDisneyFreak]

If I were to do this, I would pay for everything but spending money

[mom2morgan]

Sounds a lot like an invitation my daughter got last year! Hers was for a Hawaii trip - when the other mom called, she said "We'd like Kiana to come to Hawaii with us, if you are willing to cover air fare and spending money. The flight we have found is...." and then she gave me specific details on the exact cost. They covered her accomodations and food. I think that is completely reasonable, and a very generous offer for you to make, since Disney World is actually a much more expensive destination than including a child in a Hawaii trip with a rented villa and meals prepared on site!

added to say - I think the exception would be if you are fairly certain that you and the other family have very different finances - then offering to include airfare might be the only way to bring the child along. But I really think MOST people would not be insulted about being asked to cover their child's flight.