Probably going to cancel our trip...sad venting

[BrerGnat]

So, some of you may know that DH is currently deployed to Iraq for 13 months (until Feb 2009). We had planned our first family trip to WDW for next May to celebrate his homecoming, etc. We are booked at the Polynesian for 8 nights.

Well, DH has been gone about 4 months now, and it's been very stressful for me, in general, but more so because of my oldest son's (will be 4 in July) autism as well as my younger son's major speech delay (he's 26 months, and NO words yet...). As our older son is getting, well, older, he is becoming more difficult to deal with, especially at night (bedtime) and in public places (he has been doing LOTS of screaming at the top of his lungs if I so much as look at him in warning when he touches something he shouldn't in a public place). It's getting rough.

As I've been thinking more and more, I realized that I am just NOT looking forward to taking the boys to WDW next year. I think, in my head, I imagined that it would be a picture perfect family vacation, and when I think more about it, the reality is that it will be more stressful than anything else. I'm sure it would have its fun moments, but it would not be the relaxing vacation that I will NEED at that point.

In addition, my autistic son apparently is deathly afraid of airplanes. I have no idea why, or where it comes from, since he has never seen one closer than up in the sky. I bought this airplane/helicopter DVD for my younger son, who apparently LOVES airplanes and helicopters (he is fascinated when he sees them in the sky, and likes to play with toy versions of them). When I showed Max the dvd, he FLIPPED OUT. He literally started crying and he looked me in the eye and said "We don't like airplanes! We don't ride airplanes." (he mixes up his pronouns...he meant "I") He took the dvd from me, and hid it behind a bunch of other dvd's so he wouldn't have to see the airplane on the front. I am baffled by this reaction, but considering that taking a trip to WDW would involve approximately 7-8 hrs of travel on a plane, it seems like it's not in the cards anytime in the near future. He is the type of kid whose reaction when he does not like something would get us kicked off the plane...seriously.

I think we are going to have to condition him to planes slowly, and perhaps take a couple short flights (if he will tolerate that) before embarking on a cross country one. Since I am on my own with the boys until next year, this is not something that I can take on alone.

In addition, it seems like by next May, it will cost upwards of $2000 JUST for plane tickets to WDW, and that is just ridiculous.

So, I talked to DH the other day on the phone and we discussed some of these things, and decided that it would probably be a better idea to forgo the WDW trip in lieu of some shorter, closer to home trips with the boys. We discussed doing a few nights at Disneyland, San Diego, and perhaps a short trip up to San Francisco, to visit my sister, and so Max can take his first plane trip.

We are supposed to get transferred to Maryland in May 2010 for 3 years, and figured that would be a better time to go to WDW, since we could drive down, or at the very least, have a shorter plane trip. The boys will be 6 and 4 at that time, so perhaps they will have matured and developed enough to make the vacation a bit more like a vacation. The younger one will be potty trained and we'd have less "stuff" to have to take. In a perfect world, our younger DS will be communicating well by that point and our older DS will be a bit less tantrum prone.

Plus, we have Disneyland practically in our backyard. I take the boys about twice a week these days, so I don't feel like they are Disney deprived or anything. And, we can take the money that this vacation WOULD have cost and pay off our student loans for good (it would have taken us three more years). With the money we will be able to put away in savings, we can potentially buy into DVC in a few years, which is what I think our family will need as far as vacation accommodations goes, for the forseeable future.

So, it's a bit of a sad decision for me, but as DH said "WDW will still be there in a few years...it's not going away." And, once we move to the east coast, we'll have to leave behind our beloved Disneyland, and I'm sure the boys will REALLY enjoy a trip to WDW after a few months sans Disneyland.

Thanks for listening. It's not easy when you realize that you can't have the type of vacation you have been looking forward to for years. I sometimes forget that I'm dealing with two special needs kids, and all the issues that don't just go away when you go on vacation, but I know some of you can relate.

[KylesMom]

Nat, I'm sorry you've had to make such a difficult decision to postpone your trip. Keep dreamin', and I bet it'll be here before you know it. Sending pixie dust to help you cope with everything that you've been dealing with!

[Jenemmy]

Awwww -- I am so sorry and know how disappointing it must feel! I have a son with autism as well who is now 10. I can tell you there have been phases where a vacation was WONDERFUL for him and phases when a vacation was the last thing on earth I should consider. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. Your son is still so young and in some ways the younger years are hardest because you have normal toddler tantrums on top of autistic behaviors and they can at times ooze together and become the mother of all meltdowns. Believe it or not, my son came to an age when he finally knew when he needed to remove himself from a situation before it became too stressful for him to handle.

You sound like a great mom with a firm grasp on what your kiddos need (which unfortunately isn't always the same as what us Mamas need!!!) Sounds like you have some great future plans to look forward to.

In the meantime, it is so great that you can go play at DL so often and get yourself a good dose of Disney. Hang in there -- things can and will settle and become a bit more predictable with age.

[KineGirl]

I wish I had some good advice but really you and your husband have already considered great ideas for the future. Im sorry you cant take this trip My sweet sweet nephew is on the severe end of the spectrum and I know how out of the blue some of these apprehensions they have can pop up and change plans altogether. My SIL has had a full plate trying to give him opportunities coupled with trying to make sure the other non special need kids in the family get the time, attention and events that they should have. We just feel so blessed that he is so loving not only with his parents but with his auntie and uncle who love him so much. Ill never forget the first time he hugged me on his own- he was 6. It was all I could do to hold it together b/c I didnt want to freak him out. They drove to WDW from Buffalo to meet us when he was 5 and some moments he shone (he LOVED Pal Mickey) and others were complete melt downs (especially in the pre/during/after fireworks & parade crowds). Hopefully once you get east coast the trip will be more feasible for your family as a whole. In the meantime heres some for you and another

Also thank your husband for me and my family. And thank you too - it takes something special to be a military wife & family. He couldnt be there doing what he needs to do if he didnt know you were back home holding it down. I know how hard it can be to be the "rock". I watched my Mom do it for 22 years as a Navy wife.

[Von-Drake]

My thoughts and prayers are definitely with. Give your husband a big thanks from my family, and a thank you to you as well for the family support you provide for him while he is over there. Having a son with autism can be difficult at times. We have taken our son to Disneyworld a few times and the last time was harder than usual. he is 5 now (the trip was for his birthday) most of the time he was good, but meal times especially were very rough. Overall the last trip was more stressful than usual. I do hope what the other poster said was true as fas as the younger years being the hardest. It is very difficult to know when a tantrum is a result of an autism moment or the tantrum results in autism. I feel once they get into tantrum mode all you can do is try to hold them, calm them down and wait it out, because there is no way you can try to explain something to them when they are in that mode. (sorry for the length)
I think you have come up with excellent options to temporarily postpone your big cross country trip to WDW in favor of closer Disneyland and sites on the West Coast. And you are definitely right about the feeling of relief after paying off student loans, especially early.

Meanwhile my family's thoughts and prayers are with you. May God bless you and keep your family safe and strong.

[ElenitaB]

Natalie, just wanted to send some your way.

[Tinkerfreak]

I'm not sure we can say anything at this point that will make you feel any better. I know it has to be such a let down. I would like to send you some positive thoughts though.

-you are a wonderful mommy to consider your kids and not drag them through the park or on an airplane before you think they are ready. That is so unselfish of you.

-you are a responsible person for deciding to pay off your loans and put yourself in a better financial situation. In a world full of people who want instant gratification and don't want to wait for anything it is nice to see someone who is patient enough to wait until the time is right.

I wish you the best of luck and just think once your loans are paid off and you move to the east coast you can maybe save up and really splurge on your Disney vacation. Maybe stay longer than you had originally planned so you can take it easy and avoid the meltdowns from overtired kids. Your DH is right Disney will still be there in a few years.
You will probably enjoy your trip even more when your kids are older and you are sure they can handle it all.