Let down again.

[azdisneymom]

Our DS is going into the military. I plan on going down to the recruiter's office on the day he ships out to watch him swear in and say good bye one last time. DH has just announced he is not going, unless DS specifically asks. We have been told there is a lot of hurry up and wait and DH has never been good at that. I am so mad and disappointed . This is an important day in our son's life. Why can't he just go? I am now at the point where I don't want him there. I am afraid that if he does come with us he will just sit and complain. I sure don't want him spoiling the day for any of us, especially DS.

Thanks for listening.

[SBETigg]

Wow, good for your son. You must be so proud. I'm really surprised that your DH won't go. But maybe he's afraid of getting emotional, and a lot of men will avoid situations that will make them show emotion in public. I understand your frustration. I would expect my DH to go. Don't let him ruin the day for you or the DS, though. He may have his own way of seeing the DS off and I'm sure he means no offense.

[pianobabe]

I agree. DH may not know how he will react when he finally has to tell DS bye. There are times in our lives when we have to stop thinking about ourselves (like being impatient) and focus on someone else. This is an important step in DS's life. I hope DH decides to go.

[NotaGeek]

Congrats to your son ... I think that there is also a time when you have to realize that you can't force other people to react to emotions the way we would like them to ... this is a big day for your son, I would let him experience it without having to worry about how his dad is going to behave. You will be there, and even though his dad is making a choice we all know isn't the RIGHT choice, respect the choice and be there for your son.

[Sunshine1010]

This is just my personal observation/opinion:

If your DH does not go, your son will ALWAYS remember him NOT being there. I doubt your son would hold a grudge...but it's something he'll remember.

Whatever reason your husband has (getting too emotional, not wanting to deal with crowds, not wanting to see him leave, not wanting to deal with 'hurry up and wait').....it's all worth it for your child.

(at least that's my opinion)

Good Luck, and I'll be praying for your son. He's doing a wonderful and brave thing. You must be so proud.

[Katmegali]

Congrats and good luck to your son. I will pray for him. MIlitary life isn't always easy but worth it.

Maybe your dh can have some special time, just him and ds before ds leaves. Some men and women hate the last minute goodbyes - too sentimental and all. This way they can say their goodbyes without onlookers.

I hope all works out one way or another. My prays are with you all.

[crazypoohbear]

I would go and support your DS. Don't "force" your DH to go. He has made his decision and let him live with it.
It sounds like if he goes he will just make you miserable and you will not have the time and moment with your DS as he leaves to go do the most honorable and scary thing that an American can do.

My DH choosed to not do a lot of things with us as a family. It's his choice and I gave up trying to talk him into it or making excuses for him with my DS's. When he does grudingly come along he usually makes us all miserable and we cut short whatever we had planned.
My Ds's know that I will always be there for them and that I will always support and love them.

They know that their Dad loves them but they have sadly come to not depend on him.
Case in point... last year DS had the car and had a flat tire. He called ME (DH is a mechanic) I asked why he asked me to come and not his dad, he said "I knew you would come right away and dad would complain"
He was right and I did not make any excuses for his Dad. Thats' just who he is.

[jrkcr]

When I joined the military, my parents were NOT HAPPY! I was still living at home, and was supposed to finish college....their goals for me were different from mine.

My dad didn't talk to me for a while, I thought he was furious. And he probably was a bit. He had been in the navy, and wanted something better for me. (college) My mom cried all the time. But my mom says after I left for basic training, my dad would lay in bed at night and wonder out loud how I was doing. I now know, decades later, what an emotional time that was for both of them. But for me it was just an adventure! Also, my parents didn't see me off at the base. And yes, everything in the military is hurry up and wait!

Just my opinion, but if your hubby isn't up for this trip, don't push him. And don't get upset with him. He has to deal with accepting your sons choices in his own way. Being grumpy, or getting mad, or crying-it's all the same. My dad did all three!
Best of luck to your son!!

[A Big Kid]

I did not know you could go down there. When I left (in 1985), it was at 0430 in the morning.

SSG Clubb picked me up at my house. My mom and dad were crying in the foyer.

I am not sure if they were sad that I was leaving or sad that I had to leave in the lime green Ford Pinto.

Dont force hubby. He loves your and you son.

[Marilyn Michetti]

When I joined the military, my parents were NOT HAPPY! I was still living at home, and was supposed to finish college....their goals for me were different from mine.

My dad didn't talk to me for a while, I thought he was furious. And he probably was a bit. He had been in the navy, and wanted something better for me. (college) My mom cried all the time. But my mom says after I left for basic training, my dad would lay in bed at night and wonder out loud how I was doing. I now know, decades later, what an emotional time that was for both of them. But for me it was just an adventure! Also, my parents didn't see me off at the base. And yes, everything in the military is hurry up and wait!

Just my opinion, but if your hubby isn't up for this trip, don't push him. And don't get upset with him. He has to deal with accepting your sons choices in his own way. Being grumpy, or getting mad, or crying-it's all the same. My dad did all three!
Best of luck to your son!!

Same here. I wouldn't let anyone go with me - I just had my mother drop me off at the Recruiting Station, and wave good-bye. It's a little scary, but it's just something you want to do alone. Weren't any parents there that I can remember, but it was 40 years ago, so I'm not putting my hand on the Bible. (Did then).

Let him do this alone that's what he wants, but DO go to his boot camp graduation. He'll be a different man, and proud to show himself off.

[RocknBev]

Let him do this alone that's what he wants, but DO go to his boot camp graduation. He'll be a different man, and proud to show himself off.

I wouldn't push DH to the recruiting office but I would definitely encourage him to attend the boot camp grad! Signing up is not nearly as big of an accomplishment as making if through boot camp. Just like I am sure you have done with your kids....pick your fights...some of the battles are really not worth it. And a sit and wait at a recruiting office isn't one of the those events I would fight over.

Good luck and know you are proud of your son. Thank him for me for signing up to serve our country!

[KineGirl]

My Dad was a recruiter in the Navy for a couple of years - my Dad would pick the new recruits up himself and take them to the bus.


Things may have changed since then but..
Make sure its something your even "allowed" or welcome to attend. You may be able to drop your son off but may not be able to wait around with him. Once he gets to that bus station - hes in the military! You wouldnt want your son to get extra grief (he is going to get plenty already) for being the only one there with his "mommy".

[azdisneymom]

Thanks for your wise words. It helps me put things back in perspective. I am so proud of my son and he knows I am behind him.

As far as going to MEPS for swearing in - I have talked with DS and he has talked with his recruiter, both say go. We will talk again as the ship date gets closer to see if anything changes. It is his day and I will do what he wants.

DH can stay home. We all know he is not good at waiting.

BTW - If you think about it, a little pixie dust for these young people who are going into the service would be appreciated. They have a tough job ahead. Ooh Rah!