Life changes

[Katzateer]

Anyone else have big changes happening in your life as you have gotten older?

We moved to the east coast- no family or friends here. Been here a couple of years and have not met anyone to go out to lunch, shop with...

Both of our daughters graduated last year. So no more school activities, after school rushing around to dance and concerts.

I have tryed joining a couple groups but even though the people have been nice, they have been friends for years and years. Nice, but haven't met anyone that really clicks as a good friend to hang out with.

Just a strange point in my life. After a lifetime
of friends, family, and 23 years of kid activities I am in limbo. Most of the family in the Midwest
have passed away. Don't have much contact with the few that are still living there.

Not trying to mop but ........I just wondered if
anyone else is going through empty nest, moving to a new part of the country when you are older,
and becoming the oldest generation and missing family members and the large family gatherings
that used to happen.

I think the biggest mistake I made was giving up a career 24 years ago. I don't regret all the time with my girls when they were younger, all the volunteering, room mom, Girl Scouts, hours waiting for gym, swim and dance meets and competitions but I wish I had a career rather than just a job. And at 58 I not want to go back to school.

Just wondering if anyone is going through any of these life changing events and how you are coping.

[clausjo]

While I'm not in the exact same situation, I can relate. We were relocated from FL to CO for my job and are experiencing some of the same issues. I thought that, since my kids are sill young, it would be easier to make new friends with the other moms in girl scouts, school activities, etc., but it's been the same thing you've found - everyone has known each other forever. They're very nice and we do get together on occassion, but it's not the same. Also, I work full time, which isn't the norm here by any means. My husband is going through similar issues.

Although I don't have any advice to provide, I'm hoping that it will be better soon. I'll be watching your thread for any ideas!

Good luck!

[Ms. Mode]

Our DD graduated college last May and got married the next weekend, they are only staying in this area because of family. I told her we are thinking of "retiring" south in about 4 years...she said they have several good work options available if they go west...so it looks like we will be living several hours away from each other within the next few years.

My DH asked me if we move what would I do, since I would not know anyone and would be starting over. I told him the first thing I would do is find a church for us to join....again. When we first got married we moved into an area where neither of us had any contacts/friends; we found a church we liked, joined and now (20 years later) we know EVERYONE!

Also, a local gym class...like aerobics is a good way to meet people in your area.

Personally, I'm looking forward to the challenge. I wish you luck and lots of adventure as you move into this new part of your life.

[Auntie B]

Big changes here too. In 2010 hubby had a car accident (while working) and bruised his spine. He was unable to move anything below the belly button. He has learned to walk again and is really doing quite well. He went back to work in 2011; however, they "released" him from his job (of 25 years) just before Christmas 2012. He has found new employment, in a related, but different field (does that make sense??) which leaves us with the option to live anyplace... Our kids are grown and living on their own but we both have elderly parents and feel that we need to be here for them. We would love to just pack it all up and have a new adventure in a new place, but again, our parents need us here. It is a crossroad I could never have imagined.

[Katzateer]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]
My DH asked me if we move what would I do, since I would not know anyone and would be starting over. I told him the first thing I would do is find a church for us to join....again. When we first got married we moved into an area where neither of us had any contacts/friends; we found a church we liked, joined and now (20 years

We have lived in 5 states and 8 different towns since we were married. This is the first time I have had problems meeting new friends. Beginning to wonder if it is just the East coast that is harder to get established in. Plus we are out in country - not an area to find many clubs/activities to join. I tried a garden club but all the ladies were 15+ years older and had been together for 40 years. Would like to volunteer at an animal shelter but none close by.

Thanks for the suggestions though!

[Katzateer]

Big changes here too. In 2010 hubby had a car accident (while working) and bruised his spine. He was unable to move anything below the belly button. He has learned to walk again and is really doing quite well. He went back to work in 2011; however, they "released" him from his job (of 25 years) just before Christmas 2012. He has found new employment, in a related, but different field (does that make sense??) which leaves us with the option to live anyplace... Our kids are grown and living on their own but we both have elderly parents and feel that we need to be here for them. We would love to just pack it all up and have a new adventure in a new place, but again, our parents need us here. It is a crossroad I
could never have imagined.

Glad he was able to find another job! That is the reason we moved to PA - only job my husband could find when his old job was ending.

We hope to retire in Florida or somewhere else warm in a few years.

[Ian]

I'm definitely not there yet (we have four young kids!), but I think about the point in my life when I will be quite a bit so I can relate some.

These years raising your kids are really the golden years of your life and they go by so quickly. I try and remind myself to stop and savor them from time to time (heck that's what our Disney World trips are all about! ) but even that is hard with life flying by so fast.

I don't have any great words of wisdom or advice for you except to say I understand how you're feeling and so do many others I suspect.

[Dopey's Girl]

I don't have any words of wisdom, just wanted to say hi to my friend, and to tell you I hope you find something fulfilling soon!

[Katzateer]

I don't have any words of wisdom, just wanted to say hi to my friend, and to tell you I hope you find something fulfilling soon!

Thanks!

[Katzateer]

These years raising your kids are really the golden years of your life and they go by so quickly. I try and remind myself to stop and savor them from time to time (heck that's what our Disney World trips are all about! ) but even that is hard with life flying by so fast.
suspect.

The time certainly does go by fast and the girls were a lot of fun growing up. I am lucky that I still have good friends in Ohio ( where we lived over 20 years). Even though I havent seen them in about 3 years we talk on the phone and Facebook is nice for staying in touch.

Enjoy those 4 kids and those trips!! I need to pull out my photo albums and remember all those magical vacations!

[Auntie B]

I don't really have any great advice, just hang in there and do the things you are interested in and the right people will be drawn to you. Life has a funny way of just falling into place - even though it seems to take forever sometimes. I have spent the past 2 years adjusting and getting used to a "new normal" - repeatedly. Some days are certainly better than others, but we just keep moving forward while we enjoy the current moments.

[DisneyDog]

From what I've read of your posts and our conversations, it sounds like you have a lot of interests. I know the library where I work has a lot of programs and book discussions and such. Have you looked into anything like that? Maybe volunteer someplace that interests you? If it interests you, it would probably interest whoever else is there, giving you something in common. Be a museum docent, perhaps? Just some thoughts....

[crazypoohbear]

Could you join the Red hat ladies? (are they still around?
or AARP?
are there any local political/religious/volunteer organizations that you identify with?

,
I don't think it's on purpose but maybe if you open up and just say at the next event/gathering,
"Wow, I feel like a fish out of water, I never realized when I moved away from my home of many years how hard it would be to meet new friends"
OR, "boy, I wish I was still in grade school when it was so much easier to meet and make new friends at recess
" Something along those lines will open up communication and let them know you are hoping for a closer friendship. Sometimes we just need a smack to the head to realize that everyone doesn't feel connected to our "group"

Good luck

[HollyB]

Volunteer work is a great way to meet people and do good at the same time. I also agree with the people who suggested clubs and other activities. It takes time to make friends. Pick something you like and stick with it for a while. You won't make best friends overnight, but it will happen eventually! In the meantime, you'll be doing something you enjoy and interacting with other people. Good luck and hang in there.

[disney obsessed]

I think its the country. I grew up in central, very rural Pa. They are very tight communities. In my town, very few people moved into the area and those that did were always seen as outsiders. I think you can compare some towns to being in a family. You are cautious of those you let in.

With that being said, I know what you mean. I have lived in this area for 13 years. I have moved on from the kids activities, so most of the people I saw on a regular basis are no longer around.

I found that I am pickier about who I want to share my time with as I get older. I have a lot of acquaintances, but few friends. I would like to have a few women to go to lunch with, but it is a rare event. I watch things like sex in the city and are jealous of their relationships. But i am also so grateful for the family and relationships that I do have.

I recently started a part time job that I love. I am an activity instructor at an assisted living community. It has helped a lot.

We need to have more disney world meets.

[Patricia]

Do any volunteer work you can.. I realize that can be difficult in the country but if there is anything close by. There are daycares, hospitals, YMCA's, community theatres, nursing homes, etc.. all welcome volunteers and leave room for new friendships. Community classes can be good as well. If you're doing something you like you will find like minded people.

The empty nest thing is somewhat new to me as well.. the last kid moved out and two weeks later the 16 year old dog died. It has taken some getting used to, but I'm trying to settle into "me" time. Hard to do when you're used to looking after everyone and everything. At some point we look forward to this part and then it happens to us..

[Caroleh]

I've been dealing with empty nest for quite a few years. Almost 15 years ago I left small town Iowa and moved to the outskirts of Toronto. Living in the big city it was really hard to meet new friends, so I joined a stamping group and a quilt guild because I'd have something in common with everyone..those were nightmares..very rude people. I ended up taking a 12 week wine appreciation course at the local liquor store that offers drinking and cooking classes, and now the class coordinator and I have become good friends along with a few of the chefs from the cooking classes I have taken. In fact, next week I have a cooking class with my favorite chefs and I'm going to his restaurant with my friend. This chef begs for my baking and he is a fantastic chef of a 4 star restaurant! I keep telling him he'd be a fantastic Dianey chef!

So just find something you like to do and do it for yourself, and you never know what can happen(this is aso the way I met the DH...I quit looking and it happened)!!!

[MNNHFLTX]

Your post really made me think. Having moved a lot myself, I am used to reaching out to make new friends and finding my niche in the community. That said, it has been easier in some areas than others. Florida was a breeze; with so many transients in the state I think we were all in the same boat and were eager to establish new friendships. Texas was also a relatively easy transition. In general people are very friendly here and once I started working I made a lot of new contacts and a few very good friends. It was very difficult, socially, to live in New Hampshire. Although a pretty state, people seemed to be very cliquish up there, IMO, at least where we used to live. It was one of the reasons we moved back to Florida after just three years.

I grew up in Minnesota and my parents have both passed away. My siblings all still live there, but are spread out across the state, so big family gatherings don't happen all that often. While I love my home state, I don't have any desire to move back up there--not a fan of the cold, cold winters!

My son (our only child) is a junior in college so I went through the empty nest thing somewhat. What really helped was having my work as an RN to give me a sense of purpose, and pets at home that still needed care and nurturing. That's what I would recommend for you--continue to find useful things to do with your time, whether working, volunteering, becoming an active member in a church, etc., and the friendships will follow. It may be a slow process and they may not be like the ardent friendships of youth, as I think people tend to be less open to that as they get older. But chances are you will eventually find some kindred souls and friendship will grow. And, of course, you have your friends on Intercot (I've made some wonderful friendships on here!)

[diz_girl]

Hi Debbi!

Although I'm not an empty nester, I completely understand your situation.

I definitely agree with Disney Obsessed that it's a country thing. As you know, I moved to MD almost two years ago. We live on a country road in a rural area and I've only ever met my neighbor next door a few times and that's it. I know no one else except the people with whom I work and they are spread out all over the region.

Also, I know that in rural PA, especially in the more mountainous regions (which is most of PA) they are very insular. My grandparents and also a friend's parents moved to upstate PA and were basically shunned because they were outsiders from Phily and New Jersey. Only my friend's parents were eventually accepted because they were originally from a nearby town.

You may remember from our Philly meet that I'm having a very difficult time with my move to MD so I completely sympathize with you. I know that you mentioned meeting up for lunch sometime, but right now I've got little free time with the boys, especially since the little guy (whom you also met) has been in the hospital three times since just before Thanksgiving. However, once the situation and the weather improves, we'll meet up. I promise.

[Katzateer]

You may remember from our Philly meet that I'm having a very difficult time with my move to MD so I completely sympathize with you. I know that you mentioned meeting up for lunch sometime, but right now I've got little free time with the boys, especially since the little guy (whom you also met) has been in the hospital three times since just before Thanksgiving. However, once the situation and the weather improves, we'll meet up. I promise.

Another lunch meet will be fun - looking forward to it.

And I hope you don't have anymore hospital visits any time soon - sounds like you have had a tough few months.