People backing out of promise to pay at last minute

[bleukarma]

All along people have been telling us that they will take care of certain things for our wedding. I have an older friend that I have known for 14 years. She considers herself like a second mom to me. She used to be the head baker at a large grocery chain down here and she also used to bake cakes on the side. She has been telling me for 14 years “when you get married I will do your wedding cake for you!” Every time I would get a boyfriend, even if he wasn’t serious she would say “I’m doing the wedding cake!” Now I’m getting married and 3 weeks before the wedding she says “I can’t do the wedding cake.” She even went on to say that since it’s so close to the holidays I may want to get my cake order into a baker early. Not to mention that its only 3 weeks before the wedding!! So, I came up with another person to do the cake. It’s an extra $200 that wasn’t budgeted for.

Now here it is 3 days before the wedding. We are just doing a small garden wedding with the invited people going to a nice restaurant afterward. My mom insisted on paying for it. She said it was something that she wanted to do for us. I have $400 that my dad gave us for a dj that we are holding. We aren’t using a dj so I saved it to put on the restaurant bill. I expect the restaurant bill to be between $600 and $700. My mom tells me this morning that she only has an extra $100 to put toward the restaurant bill. It’s going to be more than $500! So I guess that is extra money that wasn’t budgeted for that my fiancé and I have to come up with.

If I knew about all the extra’s that were outside of the budget then there are certain things I wouldn’t have bought along the way. Rose petals for under the tree. A new dress for the bridal shower (that my great aunt said she would buy but also backed out at the last minute.) I would’ve done away with the thumb print guest book. All those little extra’s add up and I figured they were covered.

Ive said it before and I will say it again….I wish we had just gone to Vegas!!!

[faline]

Sorry to hear about all these last minute glitches!! I think what you are experiencing is actually quite common but it is still disappointing, nonetheless. If there are things you can reconfigure to realign with your budget, you should do so. Years from now, some of those little touches will be quite irrelevant to anyone.

Best wishes to you!!

[SurferStitch]

I'm so sorry you're going through these issues. My biggest pet peeve with people is when they don't own up to their promises. One thing my mother instilled in me while growing up is to keep your word, and do as you promise. But then again, she went back on those words with me a couple years ago, and I'm still somewhat bitter about it, but I digress....

It's a hard fact, but I've learned that you can't depend on anyone but yourself (and your spouse... my DH is wonderful). Living by that rule has kept me from being disappointed when people don't live up to their promises. I know going into it that they probably won't.

You'll still have an amazing wedding day, because when it comes down to it, it's all about you and your husband. That's all that matters. Congratulations, and have a beautiful day!

[princessgirls]

So heartbreaking. I feel so bad.

I pray that your wedding will be a beautiful day in spite of the hurtful "extras" that have come your way.

Julie

[EeyoresBestFriend]

Congratulations!

Some folks can be like that unfortunately. Just look at it as a lesson learned and try not to dwell on it. Take any future offers for what they are - kindly meant lip service. Don't depend on them to follow through and you won't be disappointed.

Despite how things have been going, I hope that you have a very Magical Day that starts your new journey together with Love and Happiness!

[KylesMom]

Oh Amber, I too feel awful for you, especially since those closest to you are the ones who are backing out of their commitments at this short date - leaving you in a precarious position.

I hope that in the end your wedding day is a beautiful one and that the big faux pas of today will be but a distant memory after your "I Do's" are said. Know that we are all thinking of you!

[Strmchsr]

Well, you're not too far from me. Just come on up to the panhandle and I'll get you guys married on the beach at no charge.

Seriously, I hate you're having to deal with all of that. Keep the focus on the most important thing - at the end of the day you'll be married. That's all that matters. After 18 1/2 years of marriage I barely remember the ceremony at all, but I sure am glad I'm still married to the same awesome lady.

[Hammer]

Amber, I am so sorry you have to deal with all of these issues. As others have said, just keep your focus on the big picture, your marriage. The wedding is just one day; the marriage is for a lifetime!

[1DisneyNut]

Sorry to hear about the problems but it is probably a product of having a wedding during the holidays. People are busy and money is tight. I have so much going on right now, I don't know how I would have time to deal with someone's wedding even if I had known about it for months. It doesn't help that the economy is still not that great and wages have been stagnant for the last 5 years.

Then there is also the fact that people don't pitch in on weddings like they used to once upon a time. These days, many people have to pretty much pony up for most everything for their own weddings. Heck it irritates me to have to rent a tux or buy a suit to match for someone else's wedding. I have been known to just tell them I can't make it and not even go. lol

You can look at this as a primer for the future. You will find that you can't count on others to come through. My favorite is when friends ask for your help all the time and tell you they owe you one and just let them know when you need some help with something and then finally one day when you do, everybody is too busy.

[VWL Mom]

It sounds like mom and your great aunt (who said you were ungrateful) are being spiteful in response to the whole car debacle. Just terrible! How do people live with themselves?

Just push it all aside and enjoy your day, don't give them the satisfaction of getting to you.

Have a Magical day

[Mickey'sGirl]

I'm sorry to hear this Amber.

I would personally forgo the cake. We had a very expensive designer cake at our wedding and the baker dropped it outside the hotel when delivering it. They got something else for us, but most of it went uneaten. I would honest to goodness buy a pretty cake at the grocery store and save yourselves the money.

I hope everything goes well for you both!

[BrerGnat]

It's probably not too late to hop a plane to Vegas and forget the whole thing.

On a serious note, I too am sorry you are dealing with yet more wedding drama. That really stinks. As everyone else said, it's the marriage that matters, not the wedding. Focus your thoughts on the end result and just let the other stuff go. I understand money is tight, so maybe skip the fancy cake. It's just going to get eaten, after all. I would totally get a Costco or Supermarket cake. No one will care! I would even make my own cake and bring it to the restaurant and then use that money to put towards the restaurant bill.

Deep breaths, girl. People are really annoying sometimes, but just try to rise above them.

[bleukarma]

Thanks everyone for your kind words!! I think I am finally in the "let it go" state of mind and I will just accept whatever happens. We have to pay extra, unplanned money...which *****, but it goes along with the territory of having a wedding. Things cost money, and if we want them then we have to pay for them. Other people may have promised but I never shouldve worked my budget around that.

I did get a nice cake from a co-worker that bakes cakes on the side. A few months ago I bought a nice cake topper that the fiance actually picked out. We arent having a lot the "traditional" big wedding things so having a cake topper momento will be nice. I shouldve just bought a cake from Publix and sat it on top, but oh well lol!!

The photographer has already confirmed, which makes me happy. I need to work on the logistics of getting my great aunt to and from the ceremony (she doesnt want to go to the restaurant afterwards, which makes logistics difficult.) Anything else that happens will just happen. In the end I am marrying the man that I love

[SBETigg]

Wishing you a very special day and hoping some unexpected wonderful things come up to make it all the more joyful for you. Best wishes to you both!

[cer]

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best!

[disneymom15]

Wishing you a magical wedding day and a happily ever after.