Apologies, I just need to vent....

[TheVBs]

So, last week our DD11 was home sick. Really sick. Horrible cough, no energy to do anything. Mid week I ask to pick up make up homework. Her teacher, who I think is great but high strung, sends me a frantic message back about getting as much done as possible. Now, if she were well enough to do hours of make up work, she wouldn't be home. We got a little bit done.

The weekend hits, she seems to be on the upswing, I let her do a couple of small things on Saturday. Big mistake, she relapses. She's feeling really bad Saturday night, Sunday and is home again on Monday. I pick up more make up homework.

On Monday I get an email from her teacher saying that she really NEEDS to come to school Tuesday, even if it's for only half a day. Excuse me? I'm not sending her in sick, to get nothing accomplished no less. Well, DD11 really impresses me Monday night by saying that she feels she could do at least half a day on Tuesday. That is huge for her! So, I promise her that I'll come get her the first couple of days back if she runs out of steam. I picked her up early yesterday and she called to be picked up a little early again today. We're talking just the last couple of hours of school each day.

Well, when I pick her up today, she bursts into tears the minute we're outside. Turns out she had three different adults leaning on her about staying in school and also getting all the make up homework done. Now, these are good people, this is a great school. But, what were they thinking?! She JUST. GOT. BACK. She's not 100%, she knows all that work is hanging over her, how in the world do they think it will help to stress her out even more?

Here's what really tipped me over the edge. A couple of them brought up that they'd seen her doing something on Saturday and told her if she were still sick she shouldn't have been doing anything. That was MY decision. It turned out to be a mistake, but no way does she deserve to be guilted about it.

I know they mean well, but they got one very unhappy email from me today.

[BrerGnat]

Oh, I would be furious. I don't blame you at all. That is completely ridiculous and inappropriate. I would keep her home the rest of the week and give her plenty of time to work on her school work without all that stress. They are HER grades, why does the teacher care so much? And honestly, it's what, sixth grade? Grades don't "count" yet. Tell her not to worry and that her health comes first.

[TheVBs]

Thank you! Yes. As I'm sitting here now, I can hear her coughing. It's awful. It will probably hang on for awhile, but why in the world they thought she would just jump back in at full speed is beyond me. Every adult knows how long it takes to get your full energy back. And I just cannot imagine what they were thinking, stressing her out like that! I am angry.

She's in 5th grade and you're right. They're not even giving letter grades yet! And, she's a really good student.

I do have half a mind to take your suggestion and just keep her home the rest of the week.

[BrerGnat]

Do it! Just to prove a point, if nothing else. Seriously, I am definitely not one to advocate missing school. Heck, my two have gone all year so far with only 2 total absences for my youngest. But when they are sick, they are sick. I don't send them until they are like 90% back to normal because sitting out PE and recess requires a doctor's excuse and I know if they are not feeling well, these activities will make them feel worse. This is your child and you need to establish with both her and the school that you will do what is best for HER, not them. I am angry for you! Sheesh. 5th grade? Mine are sixth and 4th and when my 4th grader missed 2 days last week (with a doctor's note), all we heard was "sorry L is sick...we have missed him!" No pressure to make up any work either. We did the homework assignments that were given (one math sheet each day).

[Kerry823]

I didn't see the state that you live in but I know in NY the common core and teacher evaluation based on student performance and outcomes is sending teachers into a frenzy. That being said, if your child is sick it is not the teacher's business to make parenting decisions. I would make no bones about it and tell the teacher just that. She is paid to teach...period. Don't second guess yourself. You know your child best and if keeping her home is in her best interest, theynwillmjust have to deal with it. I don't like the fact that adults were pressuring a 5th grader like that. It seems a bit bizarre.

[TheVBs]

I so appreciate you guys! We live in Michigan, and yes, we have that whole common core/teacher evaluation mess here. I feel for the teachers, they do a great job and their profession shouldn't be denigrated like this.

I think they were trying for pep talk, but missed the mark terribly. I've gotten a response from the principal, who was one of the adults, and it was all apology and assurance that they would be more considerate moving forward. That said, I'm going to be monitoring the situation closely. No 5th grader should be that stressed out. Actually, I wouldn't wish that on a child in any grade!

Thanks so much for giving me a sounding board and helping me come down from this!

[BrerGnat]

I so appreciate you guys! We live in Michigan, and yes, we have that whole common core/teacher evaluation mess here. I feel for the teachers, they do a great job and their profession shouldn't be denigrated like this.

I think they were trying for pep talk, but missed the mark terribly. I've gotten a response from the principal, who was one of the adults, and it was all apology and assurance that they would be more considerate moving forward. That said, I'm going to be monitoring the situation closely. No 5th grader should be that stressed out. Actually, I wouldn't wish that on a child in any grade!

Thanks so much for giving me a sounding board and helping me come down from this!

Good to hear you got an apology. That's always positive news. At least they didn't try to spin it.

I will say too, though, the "pre teen" hormones are a very real thing at this age. We have been dealing with it with our 11 year old son for awhile. Lots of bursting into tears, feeling like he did something wrong every time he gets corrected, etc. I'm not saying this is the case, BUT your daughter may have had an overreaction or inappropriate emotional response to what was said to her (courtesy of those hormones). Welcome to puberty.

Although, the comment about Saturday night was completely uncalled for...so for just that, I would be mad.

[VWL Mom]

I agree that this was handled incorrectly and am sorry your daughter was stressed. However, that being said I don't agree with keeping her out longer than necessary to prove a point. In NJ, if she is out 10 days without documentation from a doctor, you will have a truancy officer at your door. It is the school's responsibility to follow upon extended absences here (agree it should have been handled better) especially since she was seen out on Saturday. In the event that DD is not feeling better she would be entitled to bedside instruction at no cost to you here in NJ, maybe you have something similar in MI?

[TheVBs]

Natalie, you so nailed it! She is going through those roller coaster emotions. Add that to being worn out from having this awful bug, and I can see where this upset her more than it normally would have. But, yes, right there with you on still being mad about the way this was handled. I know everyone had best intentions, I really do, but the whole thing was a little over the top.

Lynn, I agree with what you're saying and she's off to school today. Keeping her home would compound her make up work, and it would just add to the anxiety of going back. That being said, if she had or does relapse, I'll certainly keep her home again. We did go to the doctor, and I'm sure I could get a note, but it was simply what you typically hear these days, "It's a virus, nothing we can do, have to wait it out, the cough may hang on for as long as a month." Things are much more relaxed here in our district (can't speak for the whole state). Our girls have at least once each been sick enough to keep them home for two weeks. No request was made for a doctor's note, and I don't even know if we have truancy officers! People from school always check in with us, but in a positive way.

One of the problems is that DD's teacher might not have been the best fit for her. No huge worries on that front, but we have had to talk about it here at home. She's a great teacher, I like her, DD loves her. But, she's one of those people that goes on what I call "the anxiety ride". She blows things out of proportion too much and stresses DD out unnecessarily.

I had to tell DD that when her teacher's anxiety shoots way up, it's her job not to go along with her. I compared it to sitting by RNRC, relaxing, eating ice cream and watching TOT. You see the elevator shoot up into the air, you hear the screaming, but you're not going on the ride.

Fingers crossed today goes well! And thank you again for talking me through this! I so appreciate being able to get a reality check with you guys.

[Goofy4TheWorld]

...You see the elevator shoot up into the air, you hear the screaming, but you're not going on the ride.

I still get sweaty palms just watching it from the outside!

[BrerGnat]

I had to tell DD that when her teacher's anxiety shoots way up, it's her job not to go along with her. I compared it to sitting by RNRC, relaxing, eating ice cream and watching TOT. You see the elevator shoot up into the air, you hear the screaming, but you're not going on the ride.

This is so great!

[princessgirls]

It is sad...honestly...that a kid can't be sick, and sometimes it takes a week. I have 2 kids, and I had a talk with a teacher when my daughter was in 1st grade and she handed me a pack of work that was a ream of paper thick. Morgan had at that point a high fever and wasn't getting off the couch. I said politely yet firmly, Morgan and I will work on this packet when Morgan is able to get up. For now she is down and out, not eating, and barely getting up when she has to go to the bathroom, so if it is not all done, I do apologize, but for now, she needs to get better. Teacher felt bad immediately. These are still kids. Even as adults, and I rarely take sick days... when you are down and out, your body needs to heal.
Sorry your daughter was reduced to tears. That just isn't right or fair. I am glad you addressed it.
Julie

[Terra]

I'm a teacher and it's awful! I do not and will not badger students ever about being sick!
My own son in the 2nd grade, got the stomach bug and was out 2 days and they send notes home about missing one day can lead them to fall greatly behind. Really, 2nd grade????
It's gotten so ridiculous IMO.
Glad you got an apology and never feel bad! *hugs*

[TheVBs]

Julie & Terra, thanks so much for the support! It is out of control. I genuinely understand the pressures teachers are under and I hate it. I wish things would just get sane again. I'm still having a little trouble with this teacher's tendency towards high anxiety. But, I think she's at least trying to keep it in check around DD. Her emails to me are slightly less frantic. Possibly still kinda pushy, but I may be thinking that just because of what happened. I'm just going to have to keep up a dialogue with DD about letting her teacher go on that anxiety ride by herself. That's hard for a kid to do, but hopefully it will help.

I still get sweaty palms just watching it from the outside!

I'm with you! I went on it once, years ago. Never again.