Simpsons Quotes

[Dracula766]

So i just watched The Simpsons movie for the 3rd time before i came to work. I thought it would be fun for everyone to list their all time favorite quotes from the Simpsons.

Here are nuggets of wisdom from the Great Homer Simpson:

"Lisa, vampires are make believe. Just like elves, gremlins and eskimos"

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while falling from the sky
"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!"

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on Lisa becoming a vegetarian
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

[Christine]

I'm sorry, I just can't get past, "Spider Pig, Spider Pig. Does whatever a spider pig does."

[LaDracul]

Here's one after Homer fell into a tar pit-

Bart: Um, mom? We're stuck to dad.
Marge: This is just like the time we visited the caramel factory.
Homer: Mmm, caramel...

[Jenemmy]

I haven't gotten to the movie yet, but the one that springs to mind from the tv show is Homer singing......

"I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T...."

[WDWFREAK101]

(Bart drinking Whiskey)

"I am depressed."

[IloveJack]

"Simpson. Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield. He's about to hit a chesnut tree." (and he does!)

[Ian]

I could make this the longest post on record, but I'll try to control myself somewhat!

Homer: He's not Spider Pig anymore. He's Harry Plopper.

Homer: Moe, I've got a friend named Joey... Joe Joe Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard. (some dude gets up and runs out of the bar)
Barney: Wait! Joey Joe Joe!

Lisa: All we found were these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
Ralph: I ated the purple berries... oooh, oohh
Ralph: ooohhh.
Lisa: How are they Ralph? Good?
Ralph: They taste like... burning.

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Nosdwis R. Dewoh... Uh, better start with Greek town.
FBI Agent: That's Homer J. Simpson, chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, oh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
FBI Agent: Chief... you're talking into your wallet.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo!! Four-day weekend!!!

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

[LaDracul]

Lisa: Dad, what's a muppet?
Homer: It's not quite a mop, it's not quite a pet, but oh man...-laughs- To answer your question, I don't know.

[PirateLover]

I quote "King-Sized Homer" and "Last Exit to Springfield" all the time as they are probably my favorite episodes. And Ralph is my hands down favorite character (well after good ol Monty Burns of course)
Some of my favorite Ralph moments (besides the ones Ian listed):
"Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!"
"I bent my wookie"
"And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."

Some others....
Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a "New' Mexico?

And the current popular quote around here, thanks to the release of season 10, is the Max Power song homer makes up when he changes his name.
Max Power,
he's the man whose name you'd love to touch,
but you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear,
but when you hear it, you mustn't fear!
Cause his name can be said,
by anyone..

[jakeofwildwood]

To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

[Altair]

Reporters questioning Mr. Burns about near plant meltdown:

Mr. Burns:"Meltdown is such a bug-a-boo, we like to think of it as an unexpected nuclear surplus."

[Dracula766]

I quote "King-Sized Homer" and "Last Exit to Springfield" all the time as they are probably my favorite episodes. And Ralph is my hands down favorite character (well after good ol Monty Burns of course)
Some of my favorite Ralph moments (besides the ones Ian listed):
"Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!"
"I bent my wookie"
"And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."

Some others....
Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a "New' Mexico?

And the current popular quote around here, thanks to the release of season 10, is the Max Power song homer makes up when he changes his name.
Max Power,
he's the man whose name you'd love to touch,
but you mustn't touch!
His name sounds good in your ear,
but when you hear it, you mustn't fear!
Cause his name can be said,
by anyone..

Super Nintendo Chalmers...

that one is timeless.

I just got season 10. I know what my Sunday afternoon is gonna look like.

[glenpreece]

After Bart changes the answering machine tape...

"Hello muddah, hello faddar I am here Camp Grenada..."

Homer "Marge??? Is Bart at camp Grenada?"

Then when they are about to go to FLA for the teacher of the year awards...

"Are we going to Disney World?"
"No"
"Universal Studios"
"No"
"Leisure World"
"No"
"Sea World"
"No""
Leisure World"
"Grandpa you're not even going."
Homer "Oh no I know where were going..."
As they fly over you see EPCOT!!!!

[Ian]

How about my personal favorite ... Planet of the Apes - The Musical!

The lyrics to "Dr. Zaius" are priceless:

Ape: Help, the human's about to escape.
Troy: Get your paws off me, you dirty ape.
Ape: He can talk!
Apes: He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
He can talk
Troy: I can siiiiiing!
Female Nurse Ape: Ooh, help me Dr. Zaius!
Apes: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Oh... Dr. Zaius
Ape: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius.
Troy: What's wrong with me?
Zaius: I think you're crazy.
Troy: Want a second opinion.
Zaius: You're also lazy.
Apes: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Oh... Dr. Zaius
Ape: Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius.
Troy: Can I play the piano anymore?
Zaius: Of course you can.
Troy: Well I couldn't before!

Or how about:

"You'll Never Make a Monkey Out of Me"

Troy: I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-a to chimpan-zee
No, you'll never make a monkey out of me
Oh my God, I was wrong
It was Earth all along
You've finally made a monkey
Apes: Yes, we've finally made a monkey
Troy: Yes, you've finally made a monkey out of me
Apes: Yes, we've finally made a monkey out of you
Troy: I love you, Dr. Zaius!

[PirateLover]

Simsons song's are the greatest....
Every year for our birthdays, my boyfriend and I sing the Wall-E-Weasel song to each other instead of the normal happy birthday song.
"You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy-or girl!"

Lisa's Protest Song
Come gather 'round children,
It's high time ye learned,
'Bout a hero named Homer
And a devil named Burns.

We'll march till we drop,
The girls and the fellas,
We'll fight till the death
Or else fold like umbrellas

So we'll march day and night,
By the big cooling tower,
They have the plant,
But we have the power.... (then comes Lenny's classic line "Hey do Classical Gas!"

Talkin' Softball

Well Mr. Burns had done it,
The power plant had won it,
With Roger Clemens clucking all the while,
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile,
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile...

We're talkin' softball...
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin' softball...
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer... Ozzie and the Straw.

Then of course the Duff Beer song ala it's a small world:
Duff beer for me,
Duff beer for you,
I'll have a Duff
You have one, too.

And one of my all time faves, Homer's version of a Frank Sinatra classic:

Homer: Well beer, we've had some great times...

When I was seventeen,
I drank some very good beer,
I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID, My name was Brian McGee,
I stayed up listening to Queen, When I was seventeen.

[Ian]

Ahh, but don't forget one of the best Simpson's songs ever ...

See My Vest

Burns: Some men hunt for sport,
Others hunt for food,
The only thing I'm hunting for,
Is an outfit that looks good...

See my vest, see my vest,
Made from real gorilla chest,
Feel this sweater, there's no better,
Than authentic Irish setter.

See this hat, 'twas my cat,
My evening wear - vampire bat,
These white slippers are albino
African endangered rhino.

Grizzly bear underwear,
Turtles' necks, I've got my share,
Beret of poodle, on my noodle
It shall rest,

Try my red robin suit,
It comes one breast or two,
See my vest, see my vest,
See my vest.

Like my loafers? Former gophers -
It was that or skin my chauffeurs,
But a greyhound fur tuxedo
Would be best, so let's prepare these dogs

Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs!

Burns: See my vest, see my vest,
Oh please, won't you see my vest!!!!

[cjb121879]

One of my favorites:

Agnes Skinner: "I was in love once. Nine months later, Seymour plopped out of me. I'da kept walking but their were cops everywhere..."

[glenpreece]

After Bart and Milhouse are found to be the ones who leaked all the steam into the school.

Skinner grabs Bart and Bart offers up Milhouse in exchange for himself and...

Skinner "I don't want Milhouse."

Milhouse "Nobody does, sounds like my parents custody hearing."

[Fantasmic]

From the episode "Supercalifragilisticexpiali(annoyed grunt)cious"

Homer Hey, aren't you Mary Poppins

Sherry Bobbins No, I'm an original creation like Ronald Rouse and Mickey Muck

Ralph Quotes:

Me fail English? That's unpossible

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Prinskipper Skippel... Primdable Skimpsker... I found something!

Go Banana!

Homer Quotes:

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Homer: Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!


I love the Simpsons (almost as much as I love Family Guy)

[glenpreece]

Bart "Smashy, Smashy!!"

Marge "I don't approve of that."

And my all time favourite one

Lisa "Meh."