How do you get family member to accept planning advice?

[CandleontheWater]

I was wondering if any of you had some ideas on how to get my husbands family to accept some advice when planning thier WDW vacation. Dh's extended family is planning a trip to the World in July. They planned it without consulting us and we will be unable to make it, but it will be a group of 12, including aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I'm really worried that they are going to have a terrible time if they don't plan ahead. This also is also going to be a very expensive vacation, and while my in-laws do fine financially, my grandparents are on a fixed income and I want them to get the most value they can out of the trip. I've offered to talk tickets with them and do my best to get them discounts, but they seem completely uninterested. They want to do hoop-de-doo and character dining, but they haven't made any ADRs. They are also going during a very busy and hot time, but they won't talk touring plans.

The last time they visited WDW was in January of 2002 and they expect everything to be as easy and effortless as thier last trip. I keep trying to explain to them that you can't walk up to restaurants anymore and that the parks are going to be packed, but they just don't seem to WANT to understand.

I want them to have the best possible trip, but I can't get through to them! any suggestions!

[ibrowse17]

I would not force anything on them, as I myself find that such a turn off. I just hate it when friends or family cram there own thoughts and ideas down my throat. Disney means different things to different people, so what they want to do or find interesting may vary greatly than your own. I agree that they seem to need help, and might be headed toward disaster. Just buy them a good guide book, and let them discover this for themselves. That way, all the "good" ideas will be their own. Sort of...

[Dakota Rose]

I encountered a similar problem when some family members recently visited WDW. After being ignored several times, I just gave up. If they didn't want my help, then why should I break my back to give it to them?

I agree with the other poster, buy them a guide book and wish them luck. When they come home and complain they didn't have an excellent time, just smile and politely say, "I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish I could have helped you have a better trip."

[baby minnie's mommy]

The fact that Disney dining has become less accessible is a turnoff at times. A lot of people don't want to plan so far in advance. We don't unless it's for DD's b-day. It can be fun to plan, but when you have to plan a vacation to the T it can sap some of the fun out of it! We did that on our honeymoon and about wore ourselves out having to keep to our plan! Afterwards we decided it's better to be more spontaneous.

Don't worry whether they'll have fun without planning - they will! You don't have to eat table service at all in order to enjoy Disney. Whatever table service is available should still be good. If they miss having a character meal they'll still be able to meet and greet in the park.

It may actually be better for the grandparents to do things spontaneously, so they can rest when tired and eat when hungry. If they wind up eating mostly counter service it may be cheaper for them, too!

Let them know how hard it is to get into the more popular restaurants, then let it go. They may wind up with some disappointment, but they should still have a wonderful time!

[Donald]

Just let it go! Let them find out for themselves.

[caryrae]

Give us their address and we can all write them. just kidding

Sometimes when it comes to Disney some people just don't understand what is involved sometimes but they will learn for the next time and will probably ask for advice.

[Mickey 101]

Since you've gone so many times, they likely know that you would be an excellent source of advice, but must want to do things on their own for some reason. We had a similar experience with some close friends recently. It was their first time there and made it obvious they didn't want any input, so I didn't give any. Go figure......they came back telling us how much they didn't like Disney World, some of them very adamantly. I didn't say a word, but my tongue is in rough shape from biting it so hard. I just figure that's fewer people I'll have to deal with in the parks next time I go.

[sainter]

oh I feel your pain and frustration! I think it is true that if they don't want help, it does no good to force the issue, but the kicker is, they will come home with complaints that you could have heped them avoid! THAT is what is REALLY maddening!! Also, if you could save them some money, that is hard to watch.

[Dedivah]

Just let it go! Let them find out for themselves.

DITTO

If they complain say, "I am sorry to hear that, we alwasy have a wonderful time."

[Von-Drake]

After politely offering and being treated with indifference, I have just told my in-laws... "ok, have fun". it was not about Disney Trips but other things. Then depending on their attitudes afterwards I decide if I want to do the "I Told You So Dance" (after deciding of course how much trouble I want to be in with my wife).

[Love of Disney]

It's hard because you want them to have a good time. We have July and many times we went on a whim without any real planning. We didn't get to eat everywhere we wanted, but we still had fun. For this July's trip everything is planned, which I am really looking forward to!! Good luck with everything!!

[KylesMom]

I know how much you want everyone to have a good time - especially your grandparents - and how much you want to help. However, I think I'm with the majority here. If they aren't interested in taking your advice, or think that you're full of beans for suggesting they'll need ADRs and the like, you need to let it go. If the last time they traveled to Disney was post-9-1-1, they will be surprised how prevalent the crowds are and dining reservations difficult if not impossible to get on-site. But, as the saying says, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make 'em drink . . .

I'm sorry, it must be so frustrating with all of the Disney knowledge you have to give!

[Aurora]

Is it possible that they don't want to make specific plans because they feel like you're being too bossy or know-it-all and don't want to do what you say?

I know I've had that problem with a friend who would ask me all the time about my advice about WDW, but then when she decided to take a trip, she did it without asking me for help and booked a package that cost her about $2,000 more than if I helped her with it. I got the feeling she just didn't want me involved; she wanted to do it all herself.

Even though you just want to be helpful, some people feel like they want control over their vacation, even if controlling it means NOT making any plans.

Instead of offering specific advice, maybe when you have conversations about it you could say something like, "I love it in summer but we positively bake! Good thing we could go back to the pool in the middle of the day." You get the idea.

[MickeyChick]

I'm dealing with the exact same thing... oh the stubbornness. The worst part is, they want us to go with them and stay offsite, deal with a rental car, not make ADRs and all that stuff.

I don't want to go with them even if it is free for us.

[Taja]

Had a similar situation with friends (family by choice) last December. We were traveling together to WDW and they asked me to plan an itinerary.

I asked them what they wanted to accomplish and developed a 10-night itinerary for them based on what they wanted to do, park hours and special events, with only two ADRs.

Needless to say, before the end of the first day there were many complaints (had to fold the stroller in the parking lot tram, weather was too warm for December...) and by day 3 I basically told them to do what they wanted. I was walking wounded and slowed them down, anyway.

I had paid for MVMCP tickets for everyone, and reminded them to be at MK between 4 and 5 p.m. that day. They showed up at 8:30 p.m., then complained there wasn't enough time to do everything!

When I met them at the airport and asked how they liked WDW, they said they enjoyed the vacation but really didn't want to return to WDW.

Let's just say I won't do that again! *LOL*

[kakn7294]

I say "let it go". If they don't want any info or help, don't bother. They may have a wonderful time being oblivious to all the things that us "experts" know. Sometimes I think we tend to overplan. This year, we've only planned as far as to have a park chosen to start each day and 3 ADR's for an 8 day trip. This year, we want to be more free and just go-with-the-flow. If they don't want to hear it and don't want to make any ADR's, then they will learn a lesson the hard way if they don't get to do the things they expected to do.

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

I agree with the other posters, but it is so hard to sit back and watch...you just know that the trip isn't going to go as well as it could have!

I know how bad I would feel if family came back and told me how much they hated their Disney trip!

So, the guidebook is a great idea...the only other idea I have is to approach someone outside of the main group, who does seem interested and offer stories...such as "I was so glad we'd booked reservations, the restuarant was turning people away"...and if they are accepting, maybe you could help through them.

Otherwise, you know you tried...so sit back and hope for the best.

[LauraF]

As painful as it can be to watch the obvious train wreck about to occur, it's probably the best thing to do. Some people just don't get it and it's not a reflection on you if they don't enjoy themselves. In the end it's their choice. Just smile and enjoy YOUR trip.

I've been abused too many times by people who want me to do the work for them. No, sorry. It's your vacation - you plan it. I'm not a travel agent . . . unless of course you pay me.

[kathiep]

I think sitting back and letting it happen is the only thing you can do.

My in-laws were recently visiting relatives in the area and mentioned wanting to spend a day at Epcot.

Of course, they didn't want to hear anything we had to say.

So, they got there late in the morning and didn't get to see everything. That had them upset.

They couldn't get into the restaurant they wanted without waiting since they had no ADR and that upset them. (and they think we're nuts because we're getting ready to make our ADR's for Sept!)

They didn't get to go an Soarin because by the time they got over there, the wait was long and fast passes were gone. That upset them.

Oh - and they swear that you can now pay @ $62 at the ticket booth to "buy" your fast pass.

My DH & I just don't even attempt to discuss it with them anymore. It's not worth the frustration.

[sainter]

I think sitting back and letting it happen is the only thing you can do.

My in-laws were recently visiting relatives in the area and mentioned wanting to spend a day at Epcot.

Of course, they didn't want to hear anything we had to say.

So, they got there late in the morning and didn't get to see everything. That had them upset.

They couldn't get into the restaurant they wanted without waiting since they had no ADR and that upset them. (and they think we're nuts because we're getting ready to make our ADR's for Sept!)

They didn't get to go an Soarin because by the time they got over there, the wait was long and fast passes were gone. That upset them.

Oh - and they swear that you can now pay @ $62 at the ticket booth to "buy" your fast pass.

My DH & I just don't even attempt to discuss it with them anymore. It's not worth the frustration.

EXACTLY!!