I need some pre-engagement advice

[DisneyWhirled222]

In about 3 weeks time, I will be taking a trip up to North Carolina with my girlfriend and while up there I plan on proposing to her... I want to be a gentleman and ask her parents for their blessing on the proposal before we leave, but not quite sure how to approach it? We both live in Alabama, but somewhat far apart (I live in Tuscaloosa and she is in Montgomery, about a 2 hour drive), and I don't want to talk to them about it over the phone, I'd rather do it in person. I'm very excited and nervous about talking to them and want to approach it in an adult matter.

So, any advice on how to talk to my girlfriends parents about asking their only daughter for her hand in marriage?

[Scott C]

I would think that the proper thing to do would be to make the drive down to see them in person.

Thanks
Scott C

[vicster]

So, any advice on how to talk to my girlfriends parents about asking their only daughter for her hand in marriage?

You are truly a gentleman!!! Good luck! When you decide what to do can you please call my daughter's boyfriend and tell him what to do? After 4 1/2 years I think it's time.

[Jennifer_and_Chris]

If you can't drive down, maybe ask to meet them halfway (or at least 1.5 hours away???) at a restaurant to ask. You can choose the restaruant and just happen to be a little closer your way?

But, maybe if you can't get down there and the future in-laws are computer savvy, how about webcamming it? I can totally see this happening more and more. A friend of my in NYC had this happen. But, her parents are in Turkey!

[SBETigg]

I guess I'm too modern. I think the sentiment to ask her parents is sweet and will probably make a good impression, but it is really outdated. Does she need her parents permission? Do you? You want their blessing, I am sure. So why not ask her first and then talk to her parents and yours together? If she's really old-fashioned, speak to her parents first. But if she's not, she might wish you had asked her first. I know I would. It's not about them. Just something to think about.

You know her well enough to know what she would prefer. If this is something she would wish for, then absolutely find a way to make the trip before the proposal. And best wishes!

[cer]

My husband drove from Austin to Dallas and back to talk to my parents on a Wednesday night, before he asked me to marry him. It may be somewhat of a hardship, but what a wonderful way to honor them and your future bride. Your efforts will not go un-noticed.

[crazypoohbear]

I think asking for permission is a wonderful time honored tradition that should be continued.
Does the girl know you are going to propose?
If she does not, you could ask the parents to meet you half way at a restaurant, tell them you do not want their daughter to know.
My husband proposed to me on my birthday, after we were dating for 7 years! After he gave me the ring we still drove to my parents house (only about 5 minutes away). My father had already gone to bed but my husband went into the bedroom and asked my father permission.
I'll never forget my husband coming out of the room and saying "your dad said, yes, he also said that I should remember that even though he's old and sick he still knows how to shoot a gun if I ever hurt you!"
We have been married for almost 23 years, dad died almost 21 years ago but I still have that wonderful memory!
I say ask for her hand in marriage, it may be old fashioned but so is marriage itself!
Some traditions need to be kept alive.
Congratulations

[Jennifer_and_Chris]

I totally agree with keeping the tradition of asking the parents first! I am first generation in the United States and "back home" it would constitute torture if I was seeing someone that DIDN'T respect my family enough to ask my parents first.

My husband and I talk about this all the time that when the time comes for our DD's, we would expect that "the guy" would ask for our permission. We will raise our girls with the rule that "we date to mate". Not "collect, collect - then select". But, we are pretty conservative in our parenting anyways....

I say do what feels right. I don't think you would propose to someone not knowing (at least 98%) that she will welcome the proposal with nothing but love and a big ol' YES!!!!! (I say this because I'm ... well a woman... and never had to worry about proposing to someone)

Here's some proposal pixie dust

[princessgirls]

I agree...it's the right thing to do, and I think your future inlaws will respect you more for it.

I like the idea of meeting them half way and meeting them at a restaurant.

This is such an exciting time. Congratulations!

Julie

[magicalmom]

You're not really asking for permission, it's more the courtesy of letting your prospective in-laws know ahead of time - after all, there will be fall-out of one kind or another for them to deal with . . . And, like it or not, you marry the lady, but you acquire her whole family.

You sound like like exactly the sort of man I would like my daughters to marry. Blessings.

[magicofdisney]

I think you've received great advice.

My husband spoke with my parents before he officially asked me. Even though we all knew the proposal was coming (because we had been talking marriage), it was still an honorable and respectable way to include my family.

[BRJARE3]

My husband drove a 3 hour round trip just to ask my father for my hand. It was so sweet. He then proposed 2 days later. We will be married 10 years in Nov. and have 3 wonderful children. I really think you should do it. Good luck. Here's to love and Happiness!!

[Michelle15]

I think whatever you decide to do will be great! Good Luck

[MidnTPK]

Seeing them was not practical in my situation, so I wrote a letter (hand written on special stationary). It went over very well, and they saved the note and made a big-deal of it at the wedding and the engagement parties.

Besides, writing a letter is the REALLY old-fashioned way of doing it. Back before planes and cars, a suitor's absence for two weeks while he was speaking with a woman's parent (in the next county over) would have been noticed.