Having your mother in law move in. Good idea/Bad idea?

I have worked in assisted living for many years.
I have seen the best of relationships and the worst. I also was the main caregiver for my mother for 5-6 years before i lost her last year.

My first thought is that its very sweet and noble, but is that something she would really wants to do? If she is six hours away already, it is pretty much a days travel. So is California by plane.

The biggest concern I hear from 'elderly' clients is their loss of autonomy. She has friends and a life but is she really ready to leave all that behind?

Its is worth the discussion. Maybe she can visit often and stay for several weeks at a time until she feels ready to make the transition.

Have you asked yourself why you really want to do this?

I moved my mom because I thought it was the best for us. In hindsight, I was wrong. It was just better for me. That way I did not have to feel guilty about being far away. Of course this is the readers digest version but true in its simplicity for discussion.

We lived with my parents while we built our house and they lived with us years later after they sold their home and were trying to find a home to rent.

It was a positive experience and my son LOVED having his grandparents there everyday. He cried when they moved out a year later.

My advise is to have rules for things that are important. And to have enough room for everyone to be able to spread out and not be underfoot.

Thanks for the advice everyone. At this point, it seems my MIL is not interested in moving to California anyway, so it probably isn't something that will happen. It is good advice to have in case we revisit this possibility in the future though.

BrerGnat;2455921 wrote: Thanks for the advice everyone. At this point, it seems my MIL is not interested in moving to California anyway, so it probably isn't something that will happen. It is good advice to have in case we revisit this possibility in the future though.

At least you offered and I'm sure she appreciated the thought. Even though it may have challenges I think we have a certain responsibility to our parents as they get older. It was a very kind thing to do. :thumbsup:

LOL, scratch my last post. My husband told me today that his mom was kind of hinting that she wanted to move in with us. She mentioned wanting to be in CA (her daughter lives in CA now as well) but then she complained about how high the cost of living is there. He said she was "beating around the bush", sort of waiting for him to ask her to live with us.

So, I guess we're back to square one. She has been pretty indecisive, but we are going to talk to her this weekend and flat out ask her if she would like to live with us, because if so, we need to amend our home search a.s.a.p.

I understand that this is a huge change for her and kind of expect the flip flopping, but we will try and straighten it out when we speak to her this weekend.

BrerGnat;2456349 wrote: So, I guess we're back to square one. She has been pretty indecisive, but we are going to talk to her this weekend and flat out ask her if she would like to live with us, because if so, we need to amend our home search a.s.a.p.

I understand that this is a huge change for her and kind of expect the flip flopping, but we will try and straighten it out when we speak to her this weekend.

And, I'm sure just as you are having doubts and concerns, she is having similar doubts and concerns. I would definitely take the opening conversation as the opportunity to establish what you consider to be ground rules and ask her for her concerns and if she has any ground rules too that you guys need to consider before making final decisions.

Best of luck on your decision.