I am looking for help in how to handle a sensitive family issue. My sister died in 2009. Her daughter, my niece, is getting married in June. My sister and I have different fathers. She is from my mothers first marriage and I am from the second. My sisters father molested her when she was young. He died when she was ten. I don’t know when it started. My mother left him when my sister was two because of physical abuse.
My sister and mother were estranged for many years prior to my sisters death because of this. My sister thought my mother should have known this was going on. It apparently took place when he took her for visitation. My mother has told me she was not aware and would have protected her if she knew and I believe her. My sister told me she never actually told our mother when it was happening. She just thought she should have known.
The issue now is my mother has not been invited to the wedding. I don’t know whether I should decline as a show of support for my mother or whether I should attend. This is such a touchy subject that I don’t feel comfortable discussing with family and friends so I am reaching out to the Intercot family for help.
So so much sadness still affecting everyone.
Are you in contact with your niece? I think I would go if I was invited, to honor MY sister. The rest is not in any of your control.
Peace be with you.
Julie:mickey:
Next Up:
Summer 2018... WE ARE BACK!!!
2 families
4 teenagers and Larry
Taking on the parks!
This is a sensitive subject and unfortunately something that is all too common. I would go to the wedding to support your neice and honor your sister as I am sure she would want you to be there.
I hope your family can find some peace from all of this.
:tink:
Julie
º0º emerzmom º0º
Disney Vacations:
DL: 81,00,01,02,04,05,06,08
WDW: 98,99,00,01,02,03(x2),04(x2),05,,07,09,11,12,13(x2),14,15,16
Next trip Nov 2017
Go to the wedding if you would like. The reason why your mother was not invited is between your niece and your mother, not you. I would let them hash that out on their own.
If you feel it is appropriate and you are close enough with your niece, you might consider talking to the niece about it and see what she says. Just don't take sides.
I agree - I would go. I'm sorry there is such pain and strife, family stuff is never easy.
Enjoy celebrating with your niece, this is her day.
Heather aka ibelieveindisneymagic
INTERCOT Staff
Engaged at the castle!
My Disney Home is POFQ
It depends on the kind of relationship you have with your mother and with your niece. Are you close to both? Closer to one or the other? Will your mother be hurt by your attendance? If you are close to your mom, but not as close to your niece, and you think your mom would be hurt, I would probably recommend not going. But otherwise, I would say to go.
Sherri
Next: Aulani Celebration 10/2018 (50th)
Past Stays: Contemporary, GF, Poly, BC, POP, POR, Dolphin, AKL Kidani, BLT
1990 August Honeymoon- GF
Delighted Disney Return Guest since 1981, DVC (BLT) since 2014
I would also go. Go for your niece to show support and love for her on her big day. I agree that what happened was between your mom and sister. The best thing that you can do is to stay neutral and be there for support.
I am so very sorry for the sad things that have taken place and the hurt that everyone is going through. I hope your mom has sought out help to work through these deep issues. And I hope she can develop a relationship with your neice in the years to come. Healing can happen but it takes a lot of time and effort on everyone's part...
Paging Mr. Morrow... Mr. Tom Morrow. Please contact Mr. Johnson in the control tower to confirm your flight to the moon.
BC: 9/12, 7/13, 1/14, 5/14, 9/14, 1/15, 9/15, 9/16
GF: 9/16
SSR: 9/13
WL: 5/16
BW: 9/11
OKW: 7/10
AK: 6/09
BLT: 9/15
CBR: 8/07
ASMo 12/14
Offsite: 8/88
"If you are close to your mom, but not as close to your niece, and you think your mom would be hurt..."
This is a concern for me. I'm much closer to my mother than my niece. I'm sure she'll be hurt.
My sister has three children. The oldest and my mother have a close relationship. The middle child, who is getting married, does not talk to my mother anymore. This I believe is driven by the youngest child, my nephew, who seems to be the one that wants to keep the fractured relationships from healing. He has no relationship with any other family members other than his siblings. I was told by the oldest child that my nephew told my niece he would not attend if my mother was invited.
This has caused such a divide in the family that I don't see it ever mending.
Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to respond. I do appreciate your input.
Jezzup;2444349 wrote: "If you are close to your mom, but not as close to your niece, and you think your mom would be hurt..."
This is a concern for me. I'm much closer to my mother than my niece. I'm sure she'll be hurt.
My sister has three children. The oldest and my mother have a close relationship. The middle child, who is getting married, does not talk to my mother anymore. This I believe is driven by the youngest child, my nephew, who seems to be the one that wants to keep the fractured relationships from healing. He has no relationship with any other family members other than his siblings. I was told by the oldest child that my nephew told my niece he would not attend if my mother was invited.
This has caused such a divide in the family that I don't see it ever mending.
Thanks so much to everyone who took the time to respond. I do appreciate your input.
After reading this latest info, my opinion has changed. It may be best to just cut out the cancer in your family and drop all communications with them. Don't go to the wedding. Maybe one day they will grow up, if not, oh well, you don't have to deal with the nonsense.
IMHO, I feel your attending or not should just be about the relationship between you and your niece. Are you close? Would you feel bad if you miss this? Would she feel bad if you aren't there?
KAY
DVC MEMBER - OKW & HHI
First trip to WDW - Dec, 2005
Last visit to Disneyland - 2014
First trip to Disneyland - 1955
I think you should go. This may be the start of healing in your family. Explain it to your mother in this manner. I am sure she will understand and maybe even encourage this. Having her buy a small gift may also help the process.
Obviously, there are a few schools of thought and we're all feeling your difficulty with this decision. I think what you really need to consider is- do you want to be there. If you do, then you should go. Be true to you, and the people who love you should support you and try to understand. If you do something for someone else instead of following your own heart, you might have regrets. Good luck with this.
Sherri
Next: Aulani Celebration 10/2018 (50th)
Past Stays: Contemporary, GF, Poly, BC, POP, POR, Dolphin, AKL Kidani, BLT
1990 August Honeymoon- GF
Delighted Disney Return Guest since 1981, DVC (BLT) since 2014
SBETigg;2444598 wrote: Obviously, there are a few schools of thought and we're all feeling your difficulty with this decision. I think what you really need to consider is- do you want to be there. If you do, then you should go. Be true to you, and the people who love you should support you and try to understand. If you do something for someone else instead of following your own heart, you might have regrets. Good luck with this.
I agree, in the end your the one who has to live with your decision.
Three years in Connecticut and loving it
Next trip in Jan 2017 I hope!
SBETigg;2444598 wrote: I think what you really need to consider is- do you want to be there. If you do, then you should go. Be true to you, and the people who love you should support you and try to understand. If you do something for someone else instead of following your own heart, you might have regrets. Good luck with this.
:ditto:
- Lynn -
INTERCOT Staff: Theme Parks, DVC
Thank you again to everyone for the input. On a lighter note, what is an appropriate cash gift nowadays? I have not been to a wedding in quite some time. Right now, if I attend, it will just be me. I was planning on a gift of $200-$250. Is that amount okay and if I bring a date, should it be more?
