Need Advice - Sensitive Subject

Here is my 2 cents...some of my family does not like my son's father despite the fact he is a great & supportive father & friend. We see him on a daily basis and all the family knows. This past year my cousin's child made her First Holy Communion. Because my cousin does not approve of my son's father he was excluded from the invite but yet everyone else was invited to the church & following luncheon. I was absolutely shocked & dismayed by her actions. This was a big deal to us bc we have attended other family functions together & there was never a problem. After discussing it with many people outside our family (and receiving many different ideas to an approach/response) one stuck out. The service itself was open to the public being that it was in a church. And since it meant so much to us we opted to attend only that portion and the luncheon which my cousin was picking up the tab we declined. My other attended the luncheon without us understanding why we were not in attendance. While my cousin was not thrilled with his presence she could not do anything bc again it was open to the public. It worked out for us bc we all got to see the special moment & we still did not go against my cousin with regards to the luncheon. I highly recommend attend similar option for you & your mother. It was such an obvious solution yet only one person came up with the idea. All in all have a plan with which you are comfortable with in the long run. On a side note, I think the monetary gift is appropriate. Good luck with your decision - I know how you are feeling, completely confused & torn & wanting to be supportive of everyone. Good luck & keep us posted with regards to your decision/outcome.

I was not going to post here but after reading the last reply, I felt I needed to. While deedee73's solution seems to make sense, it does go against the wishes of the bride who is the one celebrating this special day. Bringing the mother that she does not wish to be in attendance would likely upset her and possibly ruin her day. I wouldn't want to be the person responsible for that.

I think you should listen to your heart and do what you feel is best.

As far as monetary gifts, I think the rule of thumb is to at least make up for what they are paying to host you at their event and then some. So if you're solo, that would be less than if you're bringing someone. Also, no one likely has any idea what the bride and groom are paying per guest at their venue, but I researched the current national average and it's a staggering $220 per guest. Wow, right?

This means two people attending a wedding should be gifting $500-- and I sincerely doubt that is happening in a lot of cases. My sister just got married, and I know that they did not get a lot of gifts/cash compared to what they paid for their reception-- but it was fine with them. They were not in it for gifts but to share their day with people they love. So I would say to gift what makes you comfortable and I'm sure they will appreciate it. But if you have a lower limit to that, maybe reconsider bringing a guest.

IMO.... your relationship with your niece is a totally different entity than your mom's relationship with her grand daughter. You should stay out of it and not pick a side. Go to the wedding in support of a girl who lost her mother...and let your mom handle her grand daughter in her own way.

This is the brides day please don't ruin it by bringing your mother to the church, not only will that upset the bride, but may put an end to your relationship with her as well.

I am replying in regards to your question about monetary gift. I think $200-250 is more than enough as a gift, even if you bring a guest, but maybe ask around where you live, as it could be a regional thing. I know where I grew up (Minnesota) people gift less than that regardless of the amount spent on the reception. It's just not tied in like that. In fact, people are more likely to give gifts off of a registry than money.