Passing of a Parent

I'm so sorry! As others have said, I think your feelings are natural and there is no standard way to experience grief. It strikes us all differently. Just be kind to yourself. Grieving can actually affect you physically as well as emotionally. Try to keep eating healthy, stay active, and rest as needed.

I am so sorry.

My mom passed away in dec. I miss her every day. I was the family member lucky enough to have the last six years with her. I am so very thankful for that time.

When she first passed, I guess I was in shock because I was in automatic mode. Just did what needed to be done and pushed through. It was the next several weeks that were so hard for me.
The business was over and I was left with my thoughts. I found I needed to reach out to other people then. They do not want to bring anything up because they do not want to hurt you, so it is up to you to take charge of your own grief. Do what feels right to you, there is no right or wrong.

Good luck. It takes time but it does get easier.

Thank you everyone who has posted since my last thank you... Means a lot to me...

IloveJack;2429297 wrote: I haven't had to deal with the loss of a parent, yet, but I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my mother.

Thank you... it's hard... Your parents are always there for you, no matter how old you are... It's tough...

Christine;2429298 wrote: I'm so sorry. My father passed away July 26. It has been very difficult. There is something surreal about losing someone who has been a part of your entire life to now be gone.

I'll pray for you and your family to find peace and comfort.

Christine, I didn't know you father passed... I don't remember reading anything on here... You may have informed us, or someone did, just don't recall... Either way, i'm sorry to hear of your dad's passing..

Surreal is the perfect word to use... I still as if she is here... And yet, I know, physically anyway, she isn't... Spirit, yes... And thank you..

Pirate Granny;2429302 wrote: I am so sorry, to lose a mom is so very hard. Today we celebrated my mothers memory, she's been gone 25 years today. She was way too young, but was suffering so much towards the end, and I was glad The Lord took her. I still miss her a lot, but it's funny, I see and hear her every time I visit EPCOT. She loved it and I have wonderful memories of her there. You will slowly accept that she is gone, but she will always be right there in your heart and memories.

There are little things I have started to notice, and it may be easily explainable... But I'm going with she is letting me know she is here...

NJGIRL;2429316 wrote: I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm saying a prayer for her and your family.

Thank you... I appreciate your thoughts and prayers...

Mrs Bus Driver;2429336 wrote: 23 years ago I lost both parents within a week and a half of each other. It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. But I got through it by thinking about what my mother would want me to do next. For me this included celebrating her life by going out and being with others.
Even now it still hurts to talk about what happened to my father after mom died and I won't tell it here. Once again it was thinking about mom that got me through it. It will always hurt, but it will get easier after a while. Sometimes I still cry like now when I am trying to write this. However most of the time when I think about them I remember the good things. And that is what I hold onto.
Hang in there it will get better.

So sorry to hear you lost both parents so close... I am remembering the good times for sure... Staying away from the bad, and yes there were bad times.. Mostly fights over stupid things... Well, not really fights, just disagreements.. And if anyone knew my mother, she she felt strongly about something, no one was changing her mind... Head strong she was..

Katzateer;2429337 wrote: So sorry for the loss of your mom- it is something you never really get over but time does help and memories help heal.

I have lost both my inlaws and my father. While they were all very difficult ( my MIL was one of my best friends and my Disney travel buddy). My dad was especially traumatic. He died less than 24 hours after I had my 2nd child - he was driving and had a heart attack. We were in another state and I did not get to go to the funeral.

It has been 19 years since my father died and I think of him often and can smile and not feel as sad. My MIL has just been gone 3 years so it is a little harder with her.

So sorry to hear of your dad and MIL passing... Part of me is scared about my dad... He had a stroke 2 years ago.. Thankfully he is recovered from that... And he had a heart attack 10 years ago? maybe longer... 12 years possibly... But again, thankfully, all his tests come back fine..

SBETigg;2429347 wrote: I'm so sorry! As others have said, I think your feelings are natural and there is no standard way to experience grief. It strikes us all differently. Just be kind to yourself. Grieving can actually affect you physically as well as emotionally. Try to keep eating healthy, stay active, and rest as needed.

Wednesday when this happened, I couldn't east at all... And barely ate on Thursday... I started eating better on Friday and now, I'm eating closer to how I normally ate... I also didn't sleep Wed, Thurs, Friday nights... Very little anyway... Saturday night, when the hardest parts were now over, I finally got sleep... And been sleeping for the two nights since...

disney obsessed;2429360 wrote: I am so sorry.

My mom passed away in dec. I miss her every day. I was the family member lucky enough to have the last six years with her. I am so very thankful for that time.

When she first passed, I guess I was in shock because I was in automatic mode. Just did what needed to be done and pushed through. It was the next several weeks that were so hard for me.
The business was over and I was left with my thoughts. I found I needed to reach out to other people then. They do not want to bring anything up because they do not want to hurt you, so it is up to you to take charge of your own grief. Do what feels right to you, there is no right or wrong.

Good luck. It takes time but it does get easier.

Thank you... I felt I needed to talk to anyone and everyone Wed and Thur nights.. I sat on the phone to 3:30 AM and 4:00 AM respectively... Friday night, I didn't... I tried to sleep, but couldn't... Talking helped me keep my mind off it, at least for a little while...

Thank you all... This is why Intercot is such a great community...

Both my parents and my brother - just a year and a half younger than I - are gone. As others have said and you know, you lose a part of yourself. I think more so even, when it's a sibling close in age. There is now just me and my sister - about five years younger - and we discover frequently many things we wish we could ask. When did this happen, why did we travel there, what did you think of this or that? Can't ask them now. This is even with my mother having died 14 years ago and my brother about ten years ago. My dad was about a year ago after a difficult time with prostate cancer.

As for early day to day getting through, I had the most trouble with my brother as he died shockingly suddenly from a massive coronary at age 50. My parents had each been sick enough and long enough that we had been grieving for awhile at the increasing loss of their presence. But my brother was a different story. I had to look for positive ways to think about his not being here any more.

Chris is right, of course, as to the new normal. And the new normal takes years probably of getting used to. I would say, follow your feelings. Don't try to be tough. If you feel that you need to spend time with your dad rather than going to a friend's, do that. Be sure to let your friends know how you're feeling and that for now, your dad is your priority.

The holidays will be hard. Try to make new traditions. If mom cooked, maybe you and dad can go to a favorite restaurant that's open and maybe bring a small corsage for your server. But be sure to remember the good times.

And while your dad is here, try to record as much as you can of your early life and his life and what he knows of your mom's. It will give both of you new purpose.

Jan

My heart sank when I first read the title of your thread. I'm so very sorry for your loss. :( :(

My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was 36 (she was a youthful 68). I remember going through many of the same emotions that you mention. Even 17 years later, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. My advice to you is to give yourself time and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. As others have said, how you deal with grief may be different than how others do, and that's okay. My sister was all about getting back to work to distract her from her sadness; I needed some time off because work distracted me from dealing with my sadness, something I really needed to do. Even when I started getting back into my routine, it all felt a bit mundane at first, but eventually it helped to start me looking forward again. I can honestly say that you never get over losing someone you love, but you do learn to accept the loss and to incorporate it into your history, if that makes sense. That's when looking at pictures and sharing memories with other family members becomes a happy thing and not sad.

When I lost my dad 2-1/2 years ago, the experience was different for me. Not any less difficult, but different. When he became ill, it was clear that this was an endstage situation and that he did not want any aggressive treatment. We all knew that he had held on for 14 years after my mom died, had enjoyed seeing his grandchildren/great-grandchildren grow up, but now he was ready to go. So I think I moved through the grieving process quicker.

What really hit me after my dad's death was that I was no longer someone's "kid" (at least in physical presence). Now my siblings and I are the older generation, which literally makes me feel older and much less invincible. It takes some time getting used to this; I'm still not I have.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Continue to lean on those that care about you, take the time you need to think and feel and allow yourself to enjoy life. Because I'm sure your mother would have wanted you to. :hug:

I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for your loss. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

I haven't lost a parent yet, but I have dealt with loss before and it's never easy. The only advice I can offer is to let yourself grieve the way you need to. Don't try to hold it in or push it off. Surround yourself with good people who will support and comfort you when you need it, listen when you need to talk, and sometimes even give you a little kick in the rear when they know you're ready for it. And keep reaching out here and anywhere else you think will help you get through this. It's amazing to me how a group of strangers like most of us on Intercot can really come together and help someone through a hard time. And sometimes it's helpful to hear advice and comfort from those who don't know you as well as those you're close to.

I'm so sorry again. I wish there was a magic button we all could press that could take away sadness, grief, stress, and difficult times like these. There will be hard days and easier days, good days and bad days. Eventually the easier and good days will outnumber the bad. Hang in there and try to remember the happy times with your mom and all the reasons you loved her so much. It will get better.

I can not even begin to express how sorry I am for your loss. Losing a parent is a terribly difficult and as so many have mentioned it is different for everyone but there are common themes.

This January was the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing. He was also 62 which felt way way too young to me. He had had a serious heart problem for over twenty years but his passing was sudden and unexpected. My mom totally fell apart. My husband (who lost his father at 20) also had a very hard time dealing with it, so a lot of responsibility fell on my shoulders. Even though I took two weeks from work, so much of that time was spent taking care of everything, that I didn't have time to grieve. I went back to work, realized it was my birthday and promptly burst into tears.

As Chris said there is a new normal. For me there are still songs that can bring a tear to my eye. I have two children who will never know their grandfather. They were both born after he passed. I couldn't watch my wedding video which is the only video we have of him for years. But time goes on it is gets easier. Not the same but easier. Just this weekend my family was doing something crazy (which is pretty normal around here) and I told my husband, "When I see my dad , he owes me for taking care of all this stuff for him." And I bet my dad was someplace nodding.

So after babbling on , hear is my best advice. Grieve as you see fit. Don't listen to anyone who tells you how should grieve or when you should "be over it."

But live your life and don't feel remorse. It's hard not too but it is an emotion that doesn't accomplish anything. We can only go forward, live and be happy. That's what all of our parents would want for us.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

Cindy

Condolences on your loss.

After losing my uncle (60) and just over a year later, my father (63), I went through a tough patch. It takes a lot to deal with the grief and the memories that flood your thoughts. Even though it has been 15 years since my dad passed, there are still times that memories will come back - sometimes bringing smiles, sometimes bringing sadness.

I also lost a sister (47) a few years back. Having dealt with my uncle and dad made it less difficult, but the loss is still felt deeply.

Keep the good thoughts in mind and purpose yourself to make those who pass before you proud of what you accomplish.

Prayers and happy thoughts.......

I am so very sorry for your loss. :(

I was 20 when my father passed away unexpectedly at the age of 48. I’m the oldest of five children and my brother, the youngest, was only 12 at the time. Even though we were both young when we lost our father his life must be so different growing up without him compared to me who at least was ‘an adult’. It’s now almost twenty years later and I still think about him every day and I still miss him. There are so many life experiences that he’s missing from and it’s during those times that the lose hurts the most.

I remember driving home from the emergency room, all of us in shock, and just collapsing in the hallway and being numb. We got through the next few days and I, at least, was still in shock and numb. I remember a couple of weeks later being home alone and just breaking down sobbing and I think that’s when it really hit me.

As people have said, everyone grieves differently. I was very fortunate to be close to my family and having them to lean on when I needed them, and vice versa. Ask for help when you need it, or need to talk with people. People don’t want to bring up a hard subject where they’re afraid to hurt you, so they won’t push.

I will be praying for you! You have a difficult road ahead.
My mother died when I was 30. She never knew my daughter, missed her by 5 months! I am now 54 and I miss my mom most everyday. Big events, especially in my daughters life, I miss that moms not here to see them. The pain subsides from a piercing hole in your chest to a dull ache, then eventually to a constant sense of loss whenever you will think of her. I guess the acute sense of loss is actually a testament to the one we miss!

Hang in there, you will adjust. It is amazing how life just goes on!

First, let me offer you my deepest sympathies at the loss of you Mom.

My father passed away 4 years ago and I still think about him everything single day. It was very hard that first year. What others are saying is true; there isn't just one way to grieve. This was something my sister and I had to work out with each other. We handled our grief totally different and we had to remember neither way was “wrong”; it was just how we process things. Once we were able to accept that, our relationship was back on track.

Unfortunately, I had a series of family members die in the 2 ½ years following Dad’s passing, and almost all were sudden. I had a cousin die of alcohol poisoning on Spring Break 2011 (which was all over the Tampa news), another cousin commit suicide, and my Aunt passed away of natural causes. The worst though, was my cousin and her husband were murdered in their home by one of their workers, which was all over the news for days. This really slowed down my grieving process as when I thought I had turned the corner, something else happened. Didn't share most of this on Intercot, not even with fellow moderators, because I didn't want to be known as the girl with the cloud of doom over her ;) . In the last 2 years, I have finally found my “new” normal, though there are times that tough, and I know that’s just how it is going to be. My faith has been a large part how I have managed to get through these last few years. I know all of them are up there looking out for me and I can pray to them, as well as God, for guidance. I have also learned who my friends really are and who I can count on.

As to feeling guilty about going out and doing things with your friends, what would your Mom want you to do? I don’t know her, but I am going to guess she would want you to try and have some fun. When Dad died, it had been after a short, but very grueling, bout with cancer. My mother, my sister and I were wiped out. I remember how my Dad took us to WDW for the weekend after my grandmother died. He told me at the time that Mom needed to get away so she could not think about all the paperwork and just relax. So, after Dad’s memorial service, I told my Mom and sister we were heading to Disney for the weekend. Thanks to the wonderful DebK of Magical Journeys, I was able to get a great AP rate at the Grand Floridian in Sugarloaf, a place where the 3 of us had always wanted to stay. It was exactly what we needed. We went to the park only one evening. Instead we relaxed by the pool, including my sister renting a cabana for a half day, read books, eat lots of food in the lounge, and just not worry about anything. I know I did what Dad wanted me to do for Mom and my sister Cheryl.

It definitely gets easier. I can now hear a Bill Withers or Otis Redding song on the radio (2 of my Dad’s favorite artists) and sing along instead of bursting into tears. These things will become happy memories.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I too lost my mother when she was 62. It was a sudden heart attack and luckily she went quickly... that was 23 years ago. Her death sent me into a deep depression and it took a while to get out of that situation... but I did.

I lost my father (92) in April 2013 and it was not quite as sudden or quick. This time, I was taking it better. I also know that his spirit is with me and he is watching over me. I know I will see my parents again...one day.

Everyone grieves in their own way and there is no right or wrong way. My thoughts and prayers are with you....

I can totally empathize with you… lost my mom less than a year ago. She was 68. I totally understand what you are going through. While it was hard seeing Mom deteriorate so fast, (she was only in hospice four days before she passed after a 10-year battle with cancer) it was a relief to know she is no longer in pain, and with the Lord.

There is no normal way to grieve, no timeline. Everyone is different in this process, even within a family. The “firsts” are the hard times… first Christmas without your mom, birthday, Mother’s Day, etc. I just had my sixth wedding anniversary and noticed it was the first year since being married that I didn’t get a card from my mom. Things like that. You may be fine for stretches at a time – life keeps us distracted – and then all of a sudden it hits you and you may start crying suddenly. These are called emotional “ambushes” because they come out of nowhere. I guess the best advice is to do what feels right at the moment; laugh at funny memories, cry when you need to. You may feel angry, you may feel guilt. Just go with it and work through it. Take all the time you need and reach out to people. My siblings and I all became closer because of it. We became more protective of each other and wanted to be together as much as possible. Cling to family.

As Strmchsr said, you will have to define a “new normal”. Life won’t ever be the same, but you’ll find your way. Things will feel very different and out of place. It takes some time adjusting.

Mickey’sGirl – I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my mom too… to ask for a recipe or share something with her that happened. I guess I just “forget” sometimes.

I think sharing in this forum is another great outlet – for everyone. Reading everyone’s posts is healing and makes one feel not so alone during hard times. So much great support here!

Just take one day at a time – we are all here for you.
steph

I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mother.

She was taken too soon. Hold close all those memories and special times you had. Grief is a very powerful and hard emotion, and it hits hard and in waves. Allow yourself the time and space needed to grieve, while you find your way into a "new" normal.
Your Mom will always be in your heart, and her love for you will stay with you forever.
Prayers for you.
Julie