Passing of a Parent

Hammer;2429438 wrote: First, let me offer you my deepest sympathies at the loss of you Mom.

My father passed away 4 years ago and I still think about him everything single day. It was very hard that first year. What others are saying is true; there isn't just one way to grieve. This was something my sister and I had to work out with each other. We handled our grief totally different and we had to remember neither way was “wrong”; it was just how we process things. Once we were able to accept that, our relationship was back on track.

Unfortunately, I had a series of family members die in the 2 ½ years following Dad’s passing, and almost all were sudden. I had a cousin die of alcohol poisoning on Spring Break 2011 (which was all over the Tampa news), another cousin commit suicide, and my Aunt passed away of natural causes. The worst though, was my cousin and her husband were murdered in their home by one of their workers, which was all over the news for days. This really slowed down my grieving process as when I thought I had turned the corner, something else happened. Didn't share most of this on Intercot, not even with fellow moderators, because I didn't want to be known as the girl with the cloud of doom over her ;) . In the last 2 years, I have finally found my “new” normal, though there are times that tough, and I know that’s just how it is going to be. My faith has been a large part how I have managed to get through these last few years. I know all of them are up there looking out for me and I can pray to them, as well as God, for guidance. I have also learned who my friends really are and who I can count on.

As to feeling guilty about going out and doing things with your friends, what would your Mom want you to do? I don’t know her, but I am going to guess she would want you to try and have some fun. When Dad died, it had been after a short, but very grueling, bout with cancer. My mother, my sister and I were wiped out. I remember how my Dad took us to WDW for the weekend after my grandmother died. He told me at the time that Mom needed to get away so she could not think about all the paperwork and just relax. So, after Dad’s memorial service, I told my Mom and sister we were heading to Disney for the weekend. Thanks to the wonderful DebK of Magical Journeys, I was able to get a great AP rate at the Grand Floridian in Sugarloaf, a place where the 3 of us had always wanted to stay. It was exactly what we needed. We went to the park only one evening. Instead we relaxed by the pool, including my sister renting a cabana for a half day, read books, eat lots of food in the lounge, and just not worry about anything. I know I did what Dad wanted me to do for Mom and my sister Cheryl.

It definitely gets easier. I can now hear a Bill Withers or Otis Redding song on the radio (2 of my Dad’s favorite artists) and sing along instead of bursting into tears. These things will become happy memories.

After the deaths of my parents and everything I had been through in 2 short weeks I took my kids to Universal because I needed a break. I knew it was the kind of thing my mother would have approved of. Though I don't think most people would have understood. So I don't usually mention it when I talk about those times. Glad to know that others do this as well.

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement, sympathy, and support... Means a lot...

Today is one week since her passing... Yes, things have gotten better, coping better, moving forward easier... The memories will always be there... But still, this does not seem real... Like I am living out a bad dream...

The little things still get me a bit... From little sayings, to missing her phone calls asking me to fix the internet when there is a service or router issue, to requesting help for games on Facebook...

Now I need to stop feeling guilty with thinking about going out, hanging with a friend or two, or maybe heading to Orlando for a get away...